619. Yes It Is

You are afraid you are not lovable, or ‘good enough’, if you don’t follow certain recipes for life and how to live it. 

Even more, actually, than you are afraid of not getting the actual results. Like: You are more afraid of not feeling good enough than you are of actually failing in making money or finding the right religion.

If that really is the case … then you should go out there immediately and fail. And fail again.  And dare to be wrong.

Until you feel okay with it.

And find some people – good, constructive people – who will support you in that process.

(Not the drinking buddies, please … )

Do that and then come back and try some of the recipes for the good life, the good spirituality, the good relationship, the good everything – if you think they still have merit.

But do it from a base of strength and self-confidence and above all: Self-love.

Otherwise it is worthless.

And you know why.

It is worthless because it is a more basic need to be loved than to be rich, or popular, or spiritual.

And none of these things can feel good, or even come to pass likely, if you do not start loving yourself first.

And that can only happen if you dare to be wrong and face the consequences of some choice which seems not be in in alignment with some authority whose love you crave. In replacement for your own love. And perhaps more so than any particular advice they are able to give on any particular need or topic … 

So this is it again, then?

That same old, old lesson – that I have returned to countless of times in my life.

This is it?

Yes, it is.


617. Making Sense

I mean, if I know somebody who is filthy rich and who says: “Oh, I got to this point by using this or that opportunity – you can easily do that” … 

Well, it rubs me if it ain’t so easy for me and if this persons seems incapable of understanding it.

Sure, there may be some validity to it, but the lack of empathy rubs me. Or maybe it is the lack of horizon when you are in an ivory tower. (There always seems to be a very limited view from up there.)

Okay, but if I know somebody like that, does it make sense to spend a lot of time trying to understand how he or she got his/her riches and then sift truth from hyperbole?

Maybe it does. In some cases.

It probably does.

But in this case … right now?

With all the different persons I can think of – that I feel rub me the wrong way?

Even just a few?

Isn’t there a better way?

How about just lining up all the constructive things that balance your POV on these people – so it is not overly positive or overly negative?

Should not take more than 5 minutes and will do a world of good.


616. If I Feel Bad

If I feel bad about the way somebody is, then I should take a good look at myself and ask myself:

“Why do you feel bad about this person because he is so self-confident?”

“Why do you feel bad about her, because she is so rich?”

Well, maybe because I don’t feel particularly confident myself, or rich myself.

And so that is where I should start building abundance.

And maybe I can only be my own teacher here, because those feelings are so strong. At another time I can have a teacher who is a lot richer and more self-confident, but at this time there are hollows within me that need to be filled before I can listen neutrally to such a person.

And not filter what I hear through my own feelings of inferiority and distort it all and feel bad, which is not the idea.

I can probably learn from others, who are … somewhere else, but still have these qualities (e.g. of being self-confident and rich) more than I have.

I probably can.

But I have to start with myself.

I have to start building my own sense of being rich, or abundant, or powerful or whatever works for me.

I have to start building my own sense of self-confidence, from other criteria then somebody else’s criteria. (Or what I perceive them to be.)

In English: I have to start looking at and appreciating what I can do, instead of being obsessed about what others can do – or appear to be able to. And let that overshadow my own qualities and accomplishments.

Isn’t that the simple, natural truth?

Yes, and it is very hard.

But worth giving your life for.


615. Where Is Abundance – Really?

I genuinely feel this course is tremendous value for money – almost too much value. 

But I also feel there is something deeper that rubs me the wrong way – deeper than my inability to participate live very much. So what is that?

Perhaps worth exploring, even if there is a monkey somewhere in my mind screaming that I am a failure for even thinking this way. 

I mean, if you don’t get with the program to create abundance in your life now – or at least later – then isn’t it your own fault, all of it?

Perhaps. Or perhaps there are more abundant perspectives on reality than this one course in “abundance” can give.

And I mean to explore them all.


614. Going Forward

I felt very strongly that I had to divide my life into three perspectives:

1. What helps my overall life purpose
2. What helps me pay the bills from day to day and support my family
3. What gives me energy and is fun

Sure, I’d love to not have to do any of the work in no. 2 category, but it worked better once I found  a way – and I think I have – to meet my needs with no. 1 and 3: Purpose and passion.

“The way”: Basically a little more creative conclusion on each of these subjects – passion and purpose – than before … 

I knew about Joan of Arc as a role model. I have known about her all my life. I have wanted to be like her. But now I feel I can. I can be the essential part of her – the trust-in-the-Higher-part.

And my God (pun intended) – it feels good to be serving myself more of the good stuff: Drawing. Deliberately. Pushing other people and priorities out of the way.

What went wrong until now? Why didn’t I get it as right until now as I feel I am getting it now? 

I have to go back and look (in older posts), but right now I’d rather go forward.


612. Shorten It

One thing I learned at hospital many years ago, and after I got out, is that you can’t win by waiting for the perfect solution to come up before you act.

You have to act, step by step, to do something that works. In other words: If you feel like 90 per cent crap and you go do the dishes because that is all you can muster the energy to do, then that is better than sitting and trying to think of the perfect solution.

What to do to heal all your wounds, use all your time for the best, etc.

Think about that before you act, and you can think a long time.


609. The Starting Place

If you need something – money, validation, etc. – then it can be hard to create.

Creation springs from a feeling of abundance. There are already so many ideas and visions that you want to ‘get out’.

If you are caught up in fear that you don’t fulfill your need – any need – by not creating, then you automatically diminish your ability to create from that place of abundance.

Because you step into another place, another mindset, another feeling – which is not abundant. Not brimming with ideas. Not open to inspiration. Not open at all.

It is closed and looking for a way out to satisfy the fear.

So that is worthy practicing if you are a creator of any kind – starting to create without any needs at all!


608. Pick One

You believe your other ideas have merit and that they should sidetrack your ‘first’ big idea.

But if you are really working hard to realize one idea, you are also committed to it and putting energy into it, and if it has true merit, you will easily be able to keep the other ideas waiting.

It will feel good to know there is something afterwards – some more ideas to implement.

It will feel better and more attractive than any distraction.


607. I Still Take Notes

I can’t find the black book, although I aim to. When I do find it, I will note this dream.  About this woman.

Even though it does not make any sense, I feel that I like it somehow. There was something playful about it – and about the woman, whom I have not seen – aside from one occasion – in 25 years now.

Not until now, that is.