Today I was close to being momentarily caught in despair.
Over not having a job.
Or an income from other sources – such as an enterprise, large enough to cover my living costs.
And over my insurance running out next year.
And that a child is coming along for the ride some months before that.
I felt like being tied into a knot, in my soul, angry at the world for not letting my work at just a moderately okay job, contribute, be recognized, earn. I felt like cursing and radiating anger. As so often before.
But then I calmed and reminded myself that I had promised myself to try the other way. To affirm, gently – again and again – that I did have faith.
Faith in being helped by something … Larger. My intuition. Other people I would and could meet. God …
In short, I would affirm that I was not alone.
Shortly after a lonely lunch break I met some people who worked nearby, fell into conversation and they asked me – two guys, almost at the same time – what I did, and I answered that I did webdesign.
And since they knew me briefly from others I had helped voluntarily they asked me afterwards – almost at the same time – if I would be interested in some sort of ‘subscription service’, where I helped them maintain their websites and webshops for a flat fee per month.
The first guy very strongly suggested that I did this for others, and collected a group of subscribers, enough to pay something like a minimum monthly wage for me all in all.
I remembered other candidates for this service, some people I had helped before and who trusted me. None of them could afford a full-time employee. None needed it.
But most could and would probably be able to afford less, and would need me with some regularity.
I had entertained that thought before, aside from trying to sell products such as e-courses in webdesign (not developed yet, by the way) and one-off webdesigns or do-it-for-me tasks for small firms:
Sell subscriptions. To a small, select group of regulars who trusted me. Who could get better, cheaper, more trustworthy help from me to maintain and repair and update their sites.
They could get that better from me than from the larger companies, who sell packages of hosting, support, domain, site-setup all rolled into one – and charge maybe a hundred dollars per month or more.
I could deliver that cheaper and better – even if the customers had to pay for their own hosting and domain name. Those costs maybe a hundred dollars per year taken together – max.
What surprised me and heartened me wasn’t that I thought of this way to make a living again and its potential.
It was that two people, out of the blue, approached me and gave me hope it could work after I had struggled with myself and come out on the positive side:
Decided to affirm that I would get help eventually.
I think not, but does it matter, if it works?
The cause then? I don’t know but I have my suspicions.
But I do know that it matters that I try the next time to affirm and act like I have that faith.
Even if there is no intervention from my intuition, from random passers-by due to luck or from some benevolent force in the Universe … it will at the very least give me a calm spot from which to work out a rational solution.
That is always a better position to help yourself from.