What a morning – writing while trying to fix a clogged toilet, fix breakfast for my pregnant girlfriend, fix shopping, fix everything. But I got written a bit for my Story. And soon on to the accounting. I’m glad I delayed that last part until I had the Story-bit done.
Felt like doing another list-reflection post, then about time and Ageing. It’s not super-relevant to what happened this morning, but I feel it is too life in general. I feel it is necessary for me, especially now at my age (43) to keep that perspective always in mind – that age is full of Good.
Here is some of that Good:
1) Went to the family, down south, with Char and her grandma. It was mum-in-law’s birthday and a good excuse to go, although the trip is long and I get to drive every time. Thought about life and death, and clients, and dreams, and Jay, and whether or not life would bring Good – or more of it – in the unknown future.
But I also got some nice cake that my grandma-in-law had made with all her skills. I take it as a good side-effect of getting older that despite my thoughts still rampaging in their own ways, I am more and more able to let them, while I have my cake.
2) I’ve read somewhere that there’s a time for all things. To live. To die. To love. To hate. And probably to have children as well. Maybe it is not as corny or superstitious as it sounds. Maybe it is just right. Perhaps I just have to experience it to know. That it is right. And in what way it is right.
3) Don’t focus on what’s not left. Appreciate what is left. Don’t forget all that you have had. Appreciate what you have had. Don’t obsess about how many years you think you may have left. Forget about it. You can never know. That’s what I tell myself is the best. Now I have to train my mind to be good at it.
4) I could be standing there, too. In Montana’s open spaces. Looking across the big wide nature and up in the big wide sky, or anywhere else that reeks of grandeur. Feeling … like I was invited to be there. To be … a member … of it. I could do that now, or when I’m a 100 years old. And I’d still feel young. But would I be able to feel so paradoxically young again, in that special place, if I had not felt ‘old’ first?
5) So how do you ultimately endure devastating loss? By adopting a religion? I don’t think that is enough. I think the ultimate key is realizing you have to endure. And find the good and the beautiful in life and truly appreciate it – in spite. Otherwise all else becomes meaningless. But it is a secret to endurance that only reveals itself gradually. It has to come from a will to feel good at the end of the day, and the experience that that will can only come from within.
6) If you’ve seen any good boxing movies you know that they are not about winning in the ring. They never were. They are about winning over yourself. As you get older, you discover those are the victories you never get too old to have.
7) Life is insanely long and big and fantastic. But only if you take the time to think about it that needs to be taken. Otherwise you might as well say: ‘I can’t believe I just skipped thinking about 30 years’.
The advice in this post is a composite of the first post excerpts in the category “Time & Ageing” from Dec 2016-April 2017
Here you can also find direct links to the posts themselves and read them as part of a narrative about the ups and downs of being forced to progress through time. Year after year.