145. As It Should Be

Another day waiting for Jay to be born, and with only one thing certain: It’s going to be 13 May at the latest. Char is too old for them to let her go more than a week beyond term, so the doctors will see to it that the process is started.

If it doesn’t start tonight. Or next week. Or …

Today I think we’ve handled it OK, too, the waiting and the threat of restlessness.

We still circulate between resting, doing house chores and, for my part, doing a few work- or meaningful things.

I wanted to write ‘other meaningful things’ but the two – work and meaningful things – still don’t always go together in my life. Well, there’s another challenge and code to crack. As if I don’t know …

But okay way to wait for the Big Thing, although each hour and day we come closer to 13 May and nothing happening will be more and more difficult to steer through as relaxed as possible. I predict.

Fine, though. It is a good exercise in staying focused and yet detached at the same time, like I mentioned in a previous entry.

I’m not particularly anxious anymore, except in flashes, about how it’s all going to go down, at the birth and 18 years+ afterwards.

Not exactly sure why, but perhaps it’s because we’ve been thinking about this 24/7 for many months now, so I at least – but Char, too, I think – have become kind of used to this state of worry and expectation. So even though we still worry, and still expect, the feelings don’t seem nearly as overwhelming now as they were some months ago. It’s become kind of every-day, this new existence of ours, as parents.

And that, I suppose, is exactly as it should be.

I expect feelings to run pretty high any time now, when Jay actually comes.

But that is also exactly as it should be.

So let it be.