I mean, being so much more constricted as I am, with regard to time and energy, due to having to look after Jay and the home front and earn money from my own company and dealing with all kinds of difficult customers (or lack of them in the process) … Yadayadayada.
Okay, but I accept that it is like it is and I am not much worse or better off than many other hardworking people who are closing in on socalled middle-age and didn’t quite make all their dreams come true and even lost some of the big ones in the process.
Except when I hate the situation and want it to change from minute to minute: Earn more money in more enjoyable ways, carve out more time for drawing and writing fiction, for friends, for Jay, for everything that I can’t get enough of because everything is at war with everything else for my time and energy.
But today I reached into my repertoire of mental tricks to gaining a stronger mind which I have developed since I left hospital in 2005, but have neglected to use terribly much in life after recovery. Tricks about how to feel stronger and more focused and more positive.
I simply decided on using the good old-fashioned affirmations about what I wanted, 24/7, whenever I have a break.
So instead of goofing off and trying to internet detox but having nothing in its place and still be tempted I now have a focus, whenever I commute or lay down to sleep or walk out to shop. And whenever I am alone and can do what I will with my thoughts for a few minutes or half-hours.
So I just decided to use that spare-time in my head with affirmations. Nothing metaphysical or naive, just ordinary mental- muscle-building, like ‘I’m clearer and clearer about how to make more money in a way that is joyful’.
That kind of affirmation – and I know this – has been proven time and time again to make the mind become stronger and more creative. Or intuition. What you call it. Some call it ‘God’ or ‘angels’ or ‘source’. Something outside of yourself that you activate and get energy and inspiration from. It has been a good seller for decades as self-help literature.
I don’t need to go that High, although I do pray sometimes, and I do meditate, and I do contemplate other worlds and beings than the people on the street and what I can smell and see.
But this is so down-to-earth and workable I should be angry with myself for not having made the decision before. Like being angry with myself for not doing more physical exercise before.
But I’m not angry. I’m relieved.
Because after a few days of using my free mental time – commuting, shopping, etc. – for just affirmations and not random thoughts or Facebook, I feel … good.
Better. In fact.
I feel I believe more that I will find solutions. Solutions to more money, how to help Char getting better after the birth, how to prioritize, how to a zillion things.
I feel I believe more this will happen, because I have sad to myself it will happen. That I am capable of finding such solutions. Say it to myself so often I can almost feel what it is like when the solutions are real.
Will it work? Will I find what I seek? More solutions to earning money, bettering my relationship, and so on?
I will tell you down the line, but I feel confident if anything can make it work it is this mindset.
How the hell can you gain anything by not focusing on it?
How the hell can you make something real for you that you badly want by constantly criticizing yourself for not having it?
How can you arrive at a place without setting a course?