I thought about New Year’s Resolutions, but could only come up with one meaningful:
To fight fear.
Within and without.
I’ve felt uneasy for the better part of the year, also before I was told I was going to be a father.
There is something in me that needs to be addressed – that I need to become more at peace with.… Read more
On a train journey to visit my parents I tried to relax, but was still thinking about the company – my company and its fragile future.
In particular, I was thinking about what would motivate me to do what I needed to do to earn more money.
Strange as it sounds, I didn’t feel I had the ‘right’ motivation.… Read more
Went to a meeting with a consultant whose job it was to get me clear on the rules.
The rules for starting in the limited programme for entrepreneurs who receive employment insurance. Like me.
Yes, I’m allowed, but:
15 hours a week max.
And every hour I work must be deducted from the insurance.… Read more
I just came out from the bathroom and for some reason I thought about how another bathroom was – 30-ish years ago or so.
In an instant it was very clear to me, in my memory, how the bathroom was in my parents’ house, back in another city, in another time.… Read more
I recently started a thread in the Off-topic part of that brilliant creative discussion forum of AH.com. It was about the purpose of life, and if people had found it.
Well, why not?
Anyway, I received a handful of replies to the question “Do you feel you have a mission or purpose in life?” over Christmas.… Read more
We drove home from the Christmas gathering and got back to the City, some hours before a major storm hit the country.
Overall, it had been some very good days. Especially yesterday when Char, I and my sis- and brother-in-law had been sitting around the dining room table and helped each other finish the LEGO-sets we had given the kids for Christmas.… Read more
Christmas with the family. It’s a wonderful time and a difficult time.
You remember how much you need and love your family.
You are also reminded again how totally different you are from a lot of these people, who you never really chose to be your family, except your spouse.
One thing that always strikes me is that most of my family, like most people I meet, are preoccupied with talking about things and events.… Read more
This morning I felt remarkably sluggish and first wondered if it was because I was, well, older …
42 and not in shape, so why not?
I’ve heard older people (older than me) say again and again: ‘I don’t have the energy I used to’. And it’s been a long time since I took the black belt in Taekwondo and was in peak condition, at just ‘the right’ age.… Read more
The last day before Christmas day saw the office for the so called entrepreneur program almost empty, but I didn’t mind.
One meeting with an architect who had a need of making invisible some table-borders somebody had coded for her – and that was it. I went home again.
Char had the day off, and had bought some last Christmas presents, but was tired.… Read more
For every instance of grief and hopelessness, every experience of it, there is an opportunity to do some good elsewhere. This opportunity is, in a sense, fueled by the sorrow of the very situation that seems so devoid of any ‘good’.
The opportunity arises if enough energy can be mustered, from the insistence on bringing balance in one’s perspective … which can be done when one is ready.… Read more
Peace is first and foremost an Inner Experience, an Inner Journey. So outside events can be pretty screwy and it is still possible to create inner peace, in principle, as long as the focus is on it and not primarily on controlling outside events.
Some events, of extreme stress cannot be controlled – inside or outside.… Read more
Today, as I went shopping, I had the feeling that Jay was now ‘in our lives’ – more than before.
Like he was more real. Already living with us in a sense.
There’s a qualitative difference between this feeling of him being ‘in our lives’ now as compared to yesterday and the weeks and months since we knew he was coming.… Read more
Didn’t get that much done today on the upcoming company or applying for jobs. Christmas took over, at least for some hours while I went shopping.
On my way to the train I felt ‘grey’ inside; like I’ve done from time to time in recent years. Like life has just become bland, stuck, lost its magic.… Read more
Went to the yearly Christmas gathering at the house of Char’s uncle. It’s nice but by no means extraordinary.
There are a lot of different family members and that means different lives, values, interests – none of them particulary resonant with mine.
But I had good talks all around, especially with Char’s cousin.… Read more