115. But the Car Is Paid

I suppose that’s an interesting thought:

What if the key is here to learn to tolerate more of my clients’ complaints?

And do things in a pace that will keep me sane and then see if he actually puts his money where his mouth is?

And that place would be with someone who is cheaper, better, more reliable than me, about whom he has to complain so much to get an honest day’s work done, right?

Interesting thought. And perhaps a worthwhile thought for an entrepreneur.

Especially worthwhile if I can honestly say that I am doing my best and that 75 percent of the delays and problems come from my clients’ bad habits, bad planning, lack of knowledge, and lack of will to pay a realistic number of hours.

Maybe the truth is only 50 percent. But why should I take those 50 percent on my shoulders and stress to do better and better, more and more, for less and less pay? I think I can afford to err a little bit on the other side here.

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114. True Rewards

I know it sounds puritan but what choice do I have? If I want to write and finish a story, in some format, and make some money this way in the future – instead of all the other ways that I’m sick of – then … I’ve got to be puritan.
Or serious, if you will.

No ‘rewards’ for a long hard day’s work, like noise or sweets.

Just use my last to get that story done, or writing of equal importance – like this.

Then what’s left of time and energy can be used to give myself a reward.

If I feel I still need one.

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113. For Life

These past days I’ve been feeling stressed – too stressed, thoughts racing, even my movements too rapid. Like a film set to go at 1.25 instead of 1.00 speed. And that is 0.25 points too much.

This Will Not Stand.

The quality of my life is measured by how I experience it and I have to chose to experience it differently now. Before it gets too late all over again.

A part of that decision is about saying no to certain experiences, out in the world. Another part is saying no to thoughts like racehorses in my inner world.

But above all I have to take it seriously and not just let myself be cascaded away by outer and inner events.

I have to stop. And start over.

For my life.

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112. Status Quos

I want to make money by myself but in more joyful ways than I do now. It’s not about passive income over active income, although I once not so long ago deluded myself into believing that that was all it was about.

It’s about more joyful ways of making income. Of continually raising the bar.

That’s a new status quo worth fighting for. And one that might just this time make me keep fighting long enough until I get to it.

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111. Having My Cake

Went to the family, down south, with Char and her grandma. It was mum-in-law’s birthday and a good excuse to go, although the trip is long and I get to drive every time.

Thought about life and death, and clients, and dreams, and Jay, and whether or not life would bring Good – or more of it – in the unknown future.

But I also got some nice cake that my grandma-in-law had made with all her skills.

I take it as a good side-effect of getting older that despite my thoughts still rampaging in their own ways, I am more and more able to let them, while I have my cake.

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109. That Great Day

If you are chased by too many things ‘you have to do’, no matter their merit, you chase your soul out of your body. You become a machine. Less alive.

Sometimes the most alive you can feel comes from accepting and then just doing it: Sitting down and doing nothing.

Relaxing. Going with the flow. Whatever you want to call it.

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105. When I Fired the Job Market

Dear Job Market,

I’m sorry but I have to let you go.

In the future this company will only make money by delivering services to several clients and creating products, in order to keep open a selection of active and passive income streams.

This is, in other words, organizational restructuring which, unfortunately, no longer leaves room for your position, which so far has been unique – as you were our only employee for years.

In addition, I’ve for a long time been highly dissatisfied with your performance as an employee.

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104. Let Me Not Forget

I have to tell stories to feel alive, it is that simple, and I know it and I am deeply regretful about the periods when I have forgotten it, for all sorts of ‘good reasons’. Or when I have doubted my ability to do it, to ever bring my storytelling out into the world in any meaningful form and therefore have stalled.

I have to keep fighting that and so the only way that makes sense is to do it one fight at a time, a few hundred words here and there – but regularly. Please let me not forget.

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