162. In the Storm

And so our son was born Saturday night, after a totally fine labor process things went wrong and it was a cesarean. Except of course that things only go wrong if the result is bad. And it wasn’t.

Our little boy is healthy and fine but we have had about 5 hours of sleep all in all since that day (after a 12 hour medically induced labor), so … reality dictates that those entries will be written later.… Read more

161. Going Through

A really dreadful day and night, perhaps the worst in my life since I was hospitalized 12 years ago for acute anxiety and generally losing my marbles. We shouldn’t have come home so early after the operation and dead-tired and with a little child, but we didn’t know how to say that to the  hospital.… Read more

160. The Strand

The day after Jay’s birth we were in tatters. Having ended with an emergency cesarean all our dreams about how this should be (for years if we include the fertility treatments since 2011) …  crashed. He was there and he was alive and we had to take care of him but it was difficult.… Read more

158. Beneath All Currents

Char hasn’t given birth yet which means that we have to go to the hospital tomorrow to start medically induced labor. Unless it happens during the rest of today, of course.

Char is 41, pushing 42, so it’s an offer from the health system – that it can be started no more than a week past her term.… Read more

157. Fine so

A few days ago, I found myself doing the dishes and then going back and forth to my email to see if anyone had written anything “vital” to me (a definition I’ve deliberately left open – but it’s to do with emergencies at work or in the family, mostly).

Thus, I found myself checking email maybe 5 times during an hour to see if anything “vital” had come up which could … divert my attention, I suppose.… Read more

156. What Matters

Yesterday a friend tried to send me a CD with a new music album his wife had made, but it got nicked by some postal-worker en route.

I can get a new copy, of course, but I hate when people steal from me – esp. something personal like this. We’ve been friends for almost 30 years, MRN and I, and I care very much for his wife, LR, who is a beautiful person like her husband, as well as extremely talented.… Read more

155. The Chance

The midwife called yesterday and pulled back the day for medical intervention to induce labor to Saturday. The original date was 16 May, but that was a mistake. It is the day he needs to be born. For safety reasons.

Char is 41, so they induce labor no more than a week past her calculated term.… Read more

153. Detox II

I awoke with my head full of rampaging thoughts, about everything from work to sex to trivialities and I hated it. It’s not as if it happens so often anymore, but it is a reflection of a larger issue:

I still use woefully little of my mental capacity to actually drive towards the goals that mean something to me.… Read more

152. The Best of It

Our son should have been born today, at least according to the doctors’ predictions. He wasn’t.

Not a world-shattering problem, but I must admit the waiting time is getting to us. So we tried to make the best of it and went out into the sun.… Read more

151. Point of Divergence

In alternative history writing there is a concept called POD – Point of Divergence. Like: When history did change – and what caused it? Was Oswald late for lunch on 22 Nov 1963 and if so, did JFK get home alive for his lunch?

I’ve toyed with this concept in my new story, The Many Worlds of World War III (see downloads), which is finished now.… Read more

150. Even Before You Have Had Them

Writing Wednesday evening I can say that if there is one positive thing that came out of the weekend’s tense but unfulfilled expectations about becoming parents, it must be that I no longer feel a need to be as ready as I felt that weekend.

There was a mental readiness that felt very insistent and which I tried to balance with a little work, a little house-chores, and a little relaxing among other things.… Read more