Apropos my recent introspection about and decision to not push myself to draw …
In late 2015, I made the Pretty Big Decision of shelving a fantasy novel I had been working on for 3 years.
Another one for the deskdrawer …
It may come up again. It may not. But then it finally became official in October 2015:
It’s shelved.… Read more
During this blog, I’ve repeatedly returned to my need to draw and tried to argue why I should ‘keep the flame’ and then musing about how to do it. The problem is I’ve failed every time.
The previous considerations about everything from my concrete drawing projects to the deeper philosophy behind this part of my life may be true in a certain context, and may have been true, but since I am continually not drawing … something is clearly wrong.… Read more
I just had the thought that Donald Trump is like one of those kids with ADHD I’ve looked after in earlier years, in various special kindergartens.
He doesn’t mind anger and outrage as attention as long as it is attention. Because everything is about Donald Trump, it was never about America – much less the Republicans (a party he has not supported until recently).… Read more
Saw an interview with a musician who lost his wife in a heart-wrenching accident: She fell at their home, through a glass door, and died of blood loss.
It struck me: ‘What would I say to such a man if we were to meet?’
Is it possible to say anything? I dearly would want to.… Read more
Today we had our long-awaited meeting with the midwife who was there when Jay was born, and who explained to us in greater detail why he was born with a (for us) shock cesarean op.
I think she made her point well, and at a time when we were better able to listen.… Read more
My best friend, MRN, and his wife, L, was over to see us and Jacob and I thought a lot about how the hell I should handle this.
You see M and L want a child but, like us until 2016, have not been able to do it. And he is 40 and she is 39.… Read more
Spend most of the day, including our otherwise good trip home from Char’s mum, being angry.
I had received money from Big Photographer Client 3 weeks late and he didn’t seem to care – except for making new demands about what I should do in my spare time as ‘customer service’.… Read more
It’s two years ago this summer that I did a great interview, under another pen name, with Kathryn Warner about her king Edward II of England-bio.
I thought I was going to do a history blog about fascinating persons, like the ones I gave live talks about. I failed in doing that blog – as so many others – and closed it down.… Read more
Today was a rotten day. I made the call to stay at home while Char (+Jay) went 2 hours in pouring rain with train and bus to her mother’s. Char had had a bad morning, too, thinking too much about the birth and the bad feelings from that experience.
But if I don’t get something done, a lot of next week is going to go without – getting something done.… Read more
Today my mum came by to see her grand son and we had a great time, except in the evening when Jay was next to impossible for reasons we couldn’t quite gauge.
Maybe the stomach, maybe just because he is growing. Maybe just … because.
But something else has been growing, in my mind, recently … a thought about my ‘lost’ novella-series, Shade of the Morning Sun.… Read more
A day like most others this ‘cruel summer’ in the City, with no clients but plenty of work with Jay.
Also, JO, my old friend came over. Which was heartening, as usual. Just a few hours talking about the world and everything reminded me of why friendships give you just that extra quality in life that doesn’t need anything but itself.… Read more
I often find myself thinking that we are too old to have Jay and that maybe we won’t live to see him grow old, or older.
But I have to remind myself this is a feeling, not thinking. And it is a feeling partly dictated by some social expectations people aren’t keeping much anyway in this day and age.… Read more
Today I had a meeting with a potential client who started by telling me about the 3 (or was it 4) businesses he had run into the ground before this one.
That wasn’t actually what bothered me about him.
Nor was it the fact that he called me up later in the day – before I had even made my mind whether to proceed with making him a formal offer for his webshop – and said he had forgotten to tell me someone else was working on this and they had just reported that they could finish their version of the shop in a time-frame that suited him (thanks for wasting my time!).… Read more
There is no quick fix …
… to my income situation, to earning more money in more enjoyable ways than doing webdesign for more or less tiresome clients that I have to hunt down every day.
Sometimes I try, though, and think I can come up with a way to fix it all – if I Just Find the Right Strategy.… Read more