300. Realistic Narrative

Reality is not able to conform to a neat narrative, but it is no harm being reminded in that ever so often.

But the surprises we have from living reality may often be combined into new narratives that make sense, when the old ones are gone or hard to see.

All it takes is a little flexibility of mind and … lots of work.

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297. Dangers of Any Particular Life Story

As for successful business-persons, lifestyle gurus, movie stars or other famous people who seemingly have it all together, you might get tempted to think that it’s because of some extra special personal quality that they have, but you don’t – or can never achieve.

Or worse: That it’s just pure luck and that’s why you should play the lottery, right? You might become one of them overnight! He …

I have fallen into these pits from time to time – hell, more often than I care to admit.

My only real salvation has been that banal, but very powerful, realization that I only achieved some kind of peace, meaning and coherence in my story when I allowed myself to love it more.

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296. Wonderings

… when I was visiting Anne Frank’s house in Amsterdam, and I looked out the window and saw the church across the street and I almost froze, because a Thought came to me … solid and real and insisting upon itself:

THIS house is the real church.

That house was the church. Not the ‘real’ church across the street.

I wonder …

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294. For Good

What I write will – I hope – inspire readers to identify and see more of is good, meaningful, connected in their own lives. And see practical ways of solving problems and challenges in the mess of everyday life, even if it is nothing fancy like the Huge Personal Development Change Course. It is my belief that such a lift will also give readers – you – more surplus to do something else for others, whatever you feel is right for you to do. And if that happens, lots can be achieved.

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293. That Is What We Do

I spend at least 2-3 hours per day cleaning, washing, shopping, cooking and doing dishes, and I can spend those hours better. Like trying to make more money than we pay the cleaning lady.

So I just have to do that.

And be patient until I can do that, because cleaning lady or not, I still have to get up at night and carry Jay to Char so he can get his food – and many times during day, changing diapers, everything. We can’t hire us out of that as long as Char’s hand is damaged.

We can only wait and remain calm and have faith that we have enough money – and help from our families – to do this, without too much cost.

So that is what we do.

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292. Sense-Making Loss

I had given away and sold hundreds of comics and books in the 9 months leading up to Jay’s birth and still it wasn’t enough to make room enough for a family.

So I had to give away what really mattered, although it is only temporary.

But felt, even so. A lot, in fact.

I say this about comics, some from the 60s – with unforgettable stories and worth some money. You might say this about something else.

But I’d like to think you’d do the same, if you found that there really was no other priorities that made sense.

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291. The Most Dangerous Thing

What if a major reason I am stuck is that I – despite my experience – have allowed other insidious thoughts to reign for too long? Those thoughts that berate?

For truly, this morning as I ate breakfast at a nearby cafe, getting ready for work, I felt … lighter. More joyful, if only ever-so-slightly. In fact, I felt a little … younger.

Just like when I was actually … that young.

I felt things were possible.

I think that has a lot to do with my resolution to do away with that inner critic on autopilot.

Maybe I can’t ever do away with it entirely and that is okay. I don’t attempt to be Jesus or Buddha here.

But I can certainly – certainly – make it better than now. I can make things different.

And that is the definition of hope.

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288. Seeing Behind The Void

Maybe I should just accept that – for whatever reason – the negative self-critic is still part of me. The part that says I have not achieved enough earning money or being famous. And then leave it at that and make my best efforts to move on and realize some of the purpose, like The Blog, or that charity project. Purpose that I know to be real and good for me, no discussion.

Once that realization is bigger and fills out much of the current vacuum then the voice should have less power.

So perhaps the voice addresses a true need after all. For I feel I am not doing enough to promote The Blog (as mentioned earlier) and I feel that is a problem.

I also miss doing something real for charity again, and preferably with Char. Or at least have some definite goal or vision for that part of our lives, instead of just focusing – as is difficult not to – on the daily problems and challenges, esp. with an infant son and irregular income.

So perhaps the voice is calling my attention to a true need, but it does so in the wrong way. It fills the actual vacuum of my life right now with calls to do something that is superficial.

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