329. After Storms

A storm blew over our country this night and wrecked some things, but not much compared to other parts of the world. It made me think again about how grateful we should be for this geographical location, and how I should be more grateful of the assets I have, instead of bemoaning what I have not.… Read more

328. Forgettable Except For Me

Felt very clear today about at least some parts of the future. Especially that I have to see  The Blog as my primary purposeful work – even if the rest is excruciatingly normal and forgettable and not making any difference.

Yes, I suppose some of that “rest” is forgettable if you see me as just a person who lives an ordinary life.… Read more

327. Your Best

Got the crime website version 1.0 finished and it felt good, even if it is not completed yet and I have not been paid yet and all sorts of other things are not getting done.

But there is still a lot of satisfaction in making a piece of work that you know you’ve done your best with.… Read more

324. Patterns

We went back to our apartment in the City for two days to wash some clothes and get some things in order – you know, normal lives while waiting for my mother’s operation for breast cancer and for me to earn some money before the coffers are empty.

Okay, that was morose.… Read more

321. Despite the Mist

I had thought the days immediately after some closure on my mother’s new cancer would be a gradual feeling of sliding down from the heights of fear, but instead it was more like a plummet – into a valley of problems I had suppressed so far.

Like I had decided somewhere in my mind that even though this was hard enough, then the op would be successful and my mother would make a full recovery, in time.… Read more

320. Fear Is Something You Learn To Live Better With

My mom called today and said she is going to have surgery in 10 days to remove her remaining breast. It seems like the cancer-tumor is local.

She is exhausted as are the rest of us, but given the situation’s severity this is by far the best outcome.

I had thought I would still be relatively anxious afterwards and think about what if they discover cancer-cells in the lymphatic system during the operation (a standard test)?… Read more

318. Through the Arctic

We’re still in the other city, just taking walks, washing clothes, shopping and looking after Jay.

And thinking about when and how I can get back to earning money, what’s going to happen with my mother and family, and burning the batteries helping with Jay because Char’s hand is still bad.… Read more