My mother’s breast cancer operation went well, all things considered and she was home from the hospital the same evening. She sounded relatively good on the phone, although the uncertainty about the future feels as vulnerable as the part of her body where they cut her.
At least when I think of it.… Read more
Tomorrow is my mother’s (2nd) breast cancer operation (it got moved one day), but I find myself feeling strangely like it is taking place in another timeline.
Is it because, so far, indications are she will be okay and it is a best-case scenario after all – even if they remove her remaining breast?… Read more
A storm blew over our country this night and wrecked some things, but not much compared to other parts of the world. It made me think again about how grateful we should be for this geographical location, and how I should be more grateful of the assets I have, instead of bemoaning what I have not.… Read more
Felt very clear today about at least some parts of the future. Especially that I have to see The Blog as my primary purposeful work – even if the rest is excruciatingly normal and forgettable and not making any difference.
Yes, I suppose some of that “rest” is forgettable if you see me as just a person who lives an ordinary life.… Read more
Got the crime website version 1.0 finished and it felt good, even if it is not completed yet and I have not been paid yet and all sorts of other things are not getting done.
But there is still a lot of satisfaction in making a piece of work that you know you’ve done your best with.… Read more
Reality set in today (for the nth time) as I tried to eke out work-hours while Char was away with Jay from the house, for as long as she could do it with her tenosynovitis and morale keeping up with autumn mist-rain.
I got about 4 hours, not all of them good.… Read more
I’ve decided to go ahead with my first product for my webdesign-business – again. Which means that even though I feel very aware of what kind of income stream this is and its limits, I am also aware it might very well fail to take off, like so many times before.… Read more
We went back to our apartment in the City for two days to wash some clothes and get some things in order – you know, normal lives while waiting for my mother’s operation for breast cancer and for me to earn some money before the coffers are empty.
Okay, that was morose.… Read more
Tried to get some work done today, and that was challenging to say the least. There is no proper room to work in here in the house we have borrowed, only a big living room and a bedroom and a children’s room. So I have to walk half an hour to the nearest library, which is not all that good a place to sit anyway.… Read more
Sunday was still a low-key day, not so much by choice but because I still felt exhausted emotionally and, in part, physically. Naturally housework began to creep up on us, but my thoughts were still forming on how best to approach my work and earn some money soon after all the idleness, voluntary and involuntary.… Read more
I had thought the days immediately after some closure on my mother’s new cancer would be a gradual feeling of sliding down from the heights of fear, but instead it was more like a plummet – into a valley of problems I had suppressed so far.
Like I had decided somewhere in my mind that even though this was hard enough, then the op would be successful and my mother would make a full recovery, in time.… Read more
My mom called today and said she is going to have surgery in 10 days to remove her remaining breast. It seems like the cancer-tumor is local.
She is exhausted as are the rest of us, but given the situation’s severity this is by far the best outcome.
I had thought I would still be relatively anxious afterwards and think about what if they discover cancer-cells in the lymphatic system during the operation (a standard test)?… Read more
We went back to our old apartment today to clean up, after having had Jay checked one final time at the hospital for some muscle problems that made him kind of cramp too much to the right side; probably a result of his hard birth.
It was nice – that Jay is on the right track to functioning normally, with that.… Read more
We’re still in the other city, just taking walks, washing clothes, shopping and looking after Jay.
And thinking about when and how I can get back to earning money, what’s going to happen with my mother and family, and burning the batteries helping with Jay because Char’s hand is still bad.… Read more