309. Chasing the Light

I was already in a semi-crisis mode and perhaps that is the reason I feel strangely quiet inside now that the news is out that my mother may have cancer again ... and not slipping further down the ladder, although that may yet come. But I feel quiet inside - so far. No panic. Just a great sadness and heaviness. I am so sorry too for my mother and my father, if that makes any sense ... but I so deeply wish they could have and will have more happiness. I don't believe life is unjust as such, although it definitely is hard and people die and suffer and die some more. But I do believe and feel there is Light beyond and a meaning and coherence to all things, which we can feel part of now if we direct out attention towards it. That is my world view and it hasn't changed. But it will have to serve me well now, and I will have to put it into action, without hiding the truth. That, as it is for all people, this is a deep shadow. It may become even deeper. We will have to be much light to journey through it and still come out whole.