224. Being My Own Case

One of those days … slept poorly, had odd nightmarish dreams and awoke feeling like shit.

Like it all didn’t matter. I was never going to make more money before I died or got to ill health’d to do anything anymore. I was never going to do anything that mattered to more people than my immediate family, even though I had thoroughly wished that for years now – and told myself that I wished it.

I went to the office space I had rented, which was mercifully empty due to everyone else being on summer vacation. I had my lunch box – not going to pay for it or coffee.

Checked my account and the dickhead Big Client has not paid for last month and no new customers, by the way. Did some research, made some offers with no response and otherwise blogged to try to extend my WordPress-guide site and hopefully get more leads via organic traffic. In time.

Right now I really feel I’m just slugging through, like being in a cold rain shower and just keep on walking because you have to and there is no real alternative.

But where will I end up? I have to produce something to sell online, despite all my existential frets about this – I realize as much. It’ll have to supplement the canvas sale – just pitching people cold. I am working on my first ebook. Not a project born of passion, although I have tried (by making it about – go figure – mindset and not so much about WordPress).

A project born of necessity. To make some money regularly. Before my credit runs dry again and I will be sorely and unpleasantly embarrassed for having paid it out once with a loan from Char, which I may or may not be able to pay back, too.

Not to talk about increasing costs for Jay and moving to a new place and Char not having a job waiting after maternity leave.

But … mindset. I suppose it just goes to show. A good, positive strong mindset is what you need more than anything to make the best of your small business, including but not limited to, the web-part.

And I will make myself the first case for this new book.