Spent most of the day working on my next live-talk about Alex Selkirk – ‘the real Robinson Crusoe’ – and it was not perfect, although I meant for it to be.
I wanted now once and for all to take a break from the webdesign business and give myself needed rest and focus on some project that was more passion. This was needed, especially after those weeks up to and after the baptism when I allowed myself to become stressed for the first time in years.
So how did it go?
As said: Not perfect.
I went to the Royal Library to work, but I only got started a little before noon, because there was urgent business I had to attend to with the webdesign.
That’s the trouble of taking time off before actually finishing a project for a client. They were okay with me postponing the last items on the task-list to next week but it also means that if something urgent happens, like the webshop’s plugins checking out, then I am still in the loop. And the one to be called to fix it.
And since I am already behind schedule, and responsible for the setup, I have not charged for it, only my own time.
So I did what I felt I had to do, business-wise, even though I had promised myself now I would take time off for that other project.
And then about noon, I got started on Robinson.
And the rest of the week was going to be pretty much like that, with a few exceptions. If business did not interrupt, then family.
Or something like getting out of the door so late because of baby Jay, and his tired mum, that I forgot to prepare lunch or bring my rain coat or something or other of practical importance.
This is written with hindsight – namely on Sunday. But the impression is the same as the impression I had after that first day ‘off’, to rejuvenate, to work on a more passionate (but still commercial) project:
It is not easy.
It’s not easy to carve out time that is solely yours – as a sort of break – when you are self-employed (or have a business). And a family with a baby. And a two-room apartment.
So what else is new?
Do I regret trying to set up this week as a break, to focus on something else, to gain energy? (And also, mind you, to prepare the talk which is already booked in spring.)
Do I regret that?
Do I regret not being able to make it a ‘perfect’ period ‘off the grid’?
A little, but not as much as I probably would have in earlier times. I am old enough to know when my own expectations – or wishes, at least – are unrealistic.
For the same reason I finished up Saturday with only half a talk-finished, at least if you count the slides I had done well enough to show. I had also an idea I would draw about 10-15 slides, but I only managed 1 and a half.
But still. I tried. I pulled the plug the best I could, for the sake of my peace of mind, as well as some nice long-term income opportunities. Not stressing on, not allowing me to believe I had to act and do all sorts of things to earn money next week, or be home with my family and support Char or be both places at once.
Just getting up, getting out the door, going to the Royal Library, doing the best I could with my time there, but still taking care of urgent tasks that I felt could not be ignored for all sorts of reasons. Some of the good, some less good.
That’s a bit muddled, but it’s life I guess.
Not perfect, but keeping the right course.