Another day which was nothing out of the ordinary, except maybe that I felt in doubt again about a thousand things.
Had I missed my opportunity to make ‘something’ off my life?
Would I ever be able to make a decent income with my business or in a job?
Would I ever get to live somewhere I liked and felt good about?
Would my ideas about how I can contribute to the world, aside from my immediate family, ever turn out to be right?
Will this blog, for example, ever become significant for anyone – help anyone?
Help enough people – whatever that number is – to warrant the investment in time and energy on my part?
I felt I had been touched by some kind of negative energy, if I may put it that way, since these thoughts keep churning and spawning new thoughts. But overall the message was the same: I felt tired, older, worn and in doubt about everything, including and especially my ability to make something ‘good’ of my life.
Aside from, you know, the obvious accomplishments, like staying with Char and making something good of that relationship. Being a good friend, etc.
Not bad, but not enough either. I honestly have to say that.
But I was also aware that these kinds of thoughts tend to come, as I said, when I have been touched by something – and not in a good way. When something is draining me. Whether or not it is fatigue or something more metaphysical … it is not really relevant, as long as I am aware that this is only a temporary state of mind, caused by … something.
I’ve been there before. I’ve written about it before. I know how dangerous it can be if I allow it to run or fight with it.
So the best way to defeat this way of feeling down, I remembered after a few hours, was simply to … not try.
I just said to myself:
Yeah, okay, I feel down, but now I’m going to have a cake and a coffee and just look at the boats in the harbor.
And sure enough, after a little while I felt better overall and begun to see the aforementioned doubts and thoughts and not too important or even real.
And even more important, I began to be able to shut them down, stop them from getting messed up and spawning new breed.
So … just timing out and stopping to relax and have a cake. Is that really a cure for such gloominess?
Sometimes, apparently, it can be.