In line with my previous resolution that I should really, really try to keep weekends completely off – no matter the pressure – I tried just that today. And I was close to blowing it.
I had decided I wanted to promote the live-talk about Robinson, which I’m still confident I can have ready in January as announced on that website. And then earn maybe 1000-2000 USD in that quarter extra, as I usually do on these events, doing something I really love, instead of webdesign.
But I postponed again, after we had already spent a large part of the day doing family stuff and it seemed like it would just be too late for anything else. And more importantly, Char reminded me that this was not a good idea, and I felt a bit ashamed that I had even contemplated it.
But there you have it: Habits die hard, and small fears even harder. Those fears that you will not do enough, make enough, etc. if you don’t keep at it. And I don’t have much to show for it career-wise or business-wise at my age, anyway, and that probably exacerbates those small – but consistent fear – that makes it hard to prioritize a weekend off. An entire weekend.
I’m not saying this is unique, not at all. It is probably something everyone, especially self-employed people with families, have had to deal with. And perhaps you never stop dealing with it, because just when you learn to get one set of priorities in balance, something else comes up, either work or family-related and throws a wrench in the wheel.
But frigging surprise, eh?
No, not so much. But I have to get used to it and do better.
I did that today, although I needed a little prodding. We also took a long walk when Jay slept and got the chance to talk about grown-up things in quiet, while the autumn sun actually was shining and feeling slightly warmer than usual.
So we took a few opportunities there that showed up – Jay sleeping while we were out shopping or whatever. And my being compelled to let go of work.
All for the best of the relationship, and our own peace of mind, and don’t I forget it.
Or: Let me remember this day, among so many others, whenever there comes a copy of it and its morning – a time with all the poor priorities in my head.
Or at least priorities that don’t serve me right now. I guess it is a stretch calling any priorities something categorically negative.
On the other hand, it is fairly easy to see that family-time is rewarding both in itself and in the long run. You just have to force yourself to stop and see it, so you don’t postpone that infinitely.
It is, after all, your most important asset in life, perhaps more important than money – at least in many situations.