298. Kan’t

I believe it was the philosopher Kant who said that the intention of what we do is just as important as what we do – or how well we do it.

Okay, I don’t remember if it was Kant, but … the idea is right: The intention matters. It matters a helluva lot.

And my intention when I considered tearing this guy’s social media post apart was … bad.

Maybe he could have done a better job vis-a-vis his audience. Maybe …

Maybe he did not ‘deserve’ the exposition, because I was oh-so-much-more-brilliant than he was if God or whomever could measure our merits.

Maybe these stingy thoughts are really true. Maybe my envy was really well-placed. Maybe I really am ‘better’ than this guy in so many ways.

I don’t believe it, really – but let’s say it is like that for the sake of argument.

Maybe I am a really super-smart-ass guy who knows a lot more about life than anyone else my age, huh?

Yeah, maybe so.

Would I prove it, then, by tearing somebody else’s life-advice apart because I felt envious about his success?

– Not because I wanted to honestly help or contribute?

– But because of fucking envy?!

If I am so smart as I think I am then the answer is obvious.

Fortunately, it was just that. Today. Even if it came with a small delay.

So I didn’t fuck up and post that envious tear-him-up comment.

I might have on another day.

Because I am not as perfect some days as I’d like to think. Or as loving.

But I didn’t today. And for that I feel better.

Not better than that guy I was envious of.

But better than the self I was half an hour ago when all this started …