310. Facing Tomorrow

Spent most of this date redesigning my company website to make it focus more on webshops, because that is what my customers – the ones I’ve had so far – want.

I write this one day after my mother called and said she had a tumor in her remaining breast. She had cancer once before, in 2003, and survived. What about this time?

What about all the other things – like taking care of Jay for Char, who has a bad hand, trying to get that apartment re-done for family and not a mature pair of globetrotters, and just plain getting something to eat and some sleep.

I knew that I had to slow down and it is a good thing that Char’s hand is getting better and that we’ve been getting more along and getting more practical, since my mother called. Funny how such news can make you rise above even what seems pretty hard personal conditions, in your own life.

One practicality is not to practice with Jay sleeping in his own bed, so now the little critter can be allowed to sleep beside his mum in his “baby nest” for some time. Makes it easier, so no lifts during nights and more sleep for all.

Seemed awfully important awhile ago …

Also important to try to tear each others’ heads off, after lack of sleep …

But not so now.

However, I’ve had time to think and ask deep inside how to react to this, and one answer was clear:

Don’t take anything for granted.

Don’t take for granted that this is the time for my mother to die, and it’s going to be very sad and painful, and everything is going to fall apart. Like, tomorrow.

Stay open.

It felt right, very deeply, so I’m doing that for now.

Not with my head under the arm. Not without waking up and feeling a knot of fear. I’ll accept and allow the latter.

I’ll solicit new customers, because Char is getting better and money has to come in, but not getting into big projects I’ll have difficulty in getting out of again if need be.

I’ll walk carefully, look straight ahead and watch my step.

But I will not sit down with my arms over my head.

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