This morning I felt slightly mad – lashing out at everyone, specifically the only two persons nearby: Char and Jay.
The lashes were only verbal but stung, no less. And made the world worse. Not better, even though that is how it feels when it feels like you want to lash someone with words. Be angry.
You believe it will make things better, although every experience says it won’t.
So I willed myself to stop and did the only reasonable things:
Char takes a walk with Jay and I helped her pack …
Then I stayed to clean up the house, turned on some music (Clannad) that always soothes, and began … sorting things out. In no particular order and physical. I didn’t sit down to think through why I had gone slightly mad and yelled at everyone, overreacting.
If, as I am, you are spiritually inclined or whatever the term is, you can think that there might have been ‘bad energies’ somewhere in the ether around us that pushed me to suddenly jump at everyone.
Psychologists will point to my mother’s renewed bout with cancer, as it seems, and stress from taking care of Jay with no breaks and not really feeling able to get my business off the ground.
And some might say that I was righteous and that they deserved it. I suspect it might be so.
But none of that really matters, even if it is a mix, which seems likely enough – although none of it (not just the metaphysics) can be proved.
Which I did, as stated above.
These things work – stop the situation, remove yourself; then clean up; music … and a hot mug of coffee. Do something nice for yourself, too.
These things work. So if it ain’t broke …