It has dawned on me that even in a best-case scenario on Friday, nothing is really definitively ‘resolved’ as regards my mother’s new cancer.
Best case is that the tumor is local and that they can take it out of the breast without further ado, maybe by injecting chemo.
But what then?
We have just been reminded, in our hearts, what we knew in our minds: That my mother can get cancer, like anyone – again.
And the fear that she is somehow ‘especially prone’ to the illness, I suppose.
That new, starker, more resonant fear will not go away anytime soon, only be dimmed by time and need to live. And live well.
I guess we will have to find ways to enhance that need to live well, as an opposition to that fear which can probably never be eradicated, even if my mother is cured this time and never has another sick-day – until the final day.
Opposition or balance in our life experience to the things we cannot change. Or: Light a fire to keep us hopeful in the dark.
Its’s an old truth, but it might as well be lived again.
It has to. It always has to.