322. If I Do This …

Sunday was still a low-key day, not so much by choice but because I still felt exhausted emotionally and, in part, physically. Naturally housework began to creep up on us, but my thoughts were still forming on how best to approach my work and earn some money soon after all the idleness, voluntary and involuntary.

Again and again, I felt I had to try one more time to do some kind of product as I loathe – and know I will continue to loathe – just selling my time as a webdesigner.

I don’t know if this was a breakthrough then, after all the castles in Spain I have tried to build as regards products or some kind of passive income. This was not supposed to be the ultimate source of passive income, combining some dream vision of ultimate purpose, ultimate passion and ultimate profit. This was not what I had searched for all summer – again.

This was something less. Just a tweak to my current business, which would allow me to spend less hours doing service and more hours maintaining a sales system.

Problem is and was that the kind of product I can think of in the webdesign business has been made a 100 times, and I am sick of doing more work in that business once I have serviced people. Well, sick may be a strong word – but tired, then. Not motivated.

So if I really wanted – for the nth time, but, as said, in a lesser way – to do some product then I would have to find a new motivation.

Not the ‘I want to escape doing webdesign-service’-motivation. Escape is a bad motivation for any kind of product development, I have been told and I have experienced.

Then it hit me. I had been thinking ebooks and the sort for a long time, maybe some written material locked away in a premium members-only part of my website.

But in fact, I don’t like writing that much. I’m good at it, so I always thought I would like to do more of it – including in this business.

But … no.

However, I am also good at teaching and talking. And I love doing video. (Although I am not that good at it – yet.)

So if I do this – for the nth and umpteenth time – and just in my business … nothing earth-shattering, soul-healing, purpose-fulfilling …

If I do this … or try to do this … again …

If I do that …

It has to be fun.

And writing, especially about webdesign, simply is not fun. I hate it.

But I like talking and teaching.

And video.

Why had I not realized this before?

Why had I thought of myself as a writer first for so long, also in the realm of non-fiction?

I don’t know. But this came to me and it may have opened a door.

If I do anything about it – and I’m not sure if and when … then it has to be video. And teaching. And talking.

Just like my historical live-talks, but with a less passionate subject.

But the medium is also my passion. And maybe that is enough this time.