Tomorrow is my mother’s (2nd) breast cancer operation (it got moved one day), but I find myself feeling strangely like it is taking place in another timeline.
Is it because, so far, indications are she will be okay and it is a best-case scenario after all – even if they remove her remaining breast?
Or some combo of denial of the relative gravity of the situation and wishful thinking?
A calmer self now in these circumstances than 10 or 15 years ago, because of age and experience?
I’m not sure but I’ve given up questioning it. I must allow this state of mind, which is the best after all, to be. It won’t help my mother otherwise!
So I allow it to be and send her pictures of Jay.
Jay playing, Jay smiling, Jay looking goofy (with his dad).
And I also go to my first paid work in sometime and give a live-talk about Columbus for a group of seniors, who have subscribed to a mixed program of 10 talks over 10 weeks – everything from culture to history to nature and back again. They like it and I like it and we have a good day.
Then I go home again and snap some more pictures of little toddler Jay for my mom.
There are worse ways to cope with a potentially deadly illness in the family.