362. Heart

I have been working today as usual but also thinking, since a client did not deliver his wishlist for his website on time. That gave me time to think about my own wish list.

I think that maybe it would be best to merge my idea with a longer fiction story about past lives with my Carrie-stories, over at ShadeoftheMorningSun.com. I’m not going to write more novellas about Carrie, my main protagonist, with the current state of the story because I don’t know really which direction to take her in. I’d rather focus on my new, yet unnamed, series of novellas set in Japan and with a woman about Carrie’s age but who has been much more successful career-wise than Carrie.

Both stories – and characters – do give me a chance to reflect on my own life from a more emotional perspective which is what I always seem better able to when I try to put myself in the shoes of a woman. Sorry, for the, well, stereotype – I guess. But that is how I feel when I write. And that is why I chose Carrie – the drug addict trying to be a mother and a suburban housewife as my protag in Shade.

With Midori, the main protag in the Japanese series, I am looking to write about life anxieties mid-age and what not but from another perspective, and maybe merge these stories with some more dreamy, fantastic elements.

Which leaves me Carrie and what to do with her.

I thought I had decided. I thought I had decided to stop her stories.

But now this thought about a Big Story about someone discovering past lives and trying to figure out if they are real or not – that has come to me again and again for weeks.

And I want to do it – and probably as a blog, as I have written about before.

And although I have been tempted, I don’t want to do something ‘popular’ – like another YA Twilight series or another Dan Brown-close.

I want to still write contemporary fiction, with a view to literary fiction – as they call it. And make it personal.

More about someone trying to deal with emotions and life than trying to save the world and find his or her place on the pedestal of fame. Rather dealing with the fact that these people can never be famous. Only try to figure out their own lives. Like Carrie Reese Sawyer and Midori Kagawa (who tried to be a famous actress but … didn’t quite make it).

What ultimately makes this choice appealing is that if it is Carrie – disillusioned housewife – who suddenly thinks she can remember past lives I have already got the idea for 10 stories – about sanity, about mid-life crises and conflict with family and attempts to reinvent your life and doubts if it can be done and about – much more. Much More.

I have a story. And it has heart.

That is what is important.