364. What We Have To Do With Forever

The day was spent with the final, final cleaning up and clearing out, while waiting for the workers who come tomorrow and tear out the pipes in the bath room and put new ones in – all in merely the course of 5 days.

Luckily, as I believe I have mentioned before, we are able to borrow another house for the duration, at least in the daylight hours while the workers work.

I was waiting for my mum to call or write and tell her about how things were, with her decision to do or to not do chemo. Or if she just needed to talk.

I had invited her on the phone Monday to get in touch if there was anything, but she just sent a few text-messages about this and that Christmas thing.

So I wrote her a quick Facebook message and updated her on the Tivoli-trip and posted a link to some new photos of Jay.

And reiterated that she should just call me if …

I think she hasn’t do so out of some false modesty because she knows we are busy with Jay and that renovation of our apartment and the apartment block we live in for the nth week in a row. She doesn’t want to, you know, bother us.

And I think she is still undecided. Maybe she hadn’t been to that new meeting with the doctors yet, which she said she had schedule when we talked and wrote Monday.

Maybe she is suppressing it all a little bit, by focusing on daily stuff, which is perfectly understandable. But I wish I knew.

I can’t write her back and prod or call her right now, though. I have to stick to the course I have set and give her some room to make her own decisions, including when to call me.

And I think she hasn’t contacted me for the above reasons and because she doesn’t really know what to say, maybe because I leave all the options open, because it is my approach.

I don’t say: “Do it” or “Don’t do it”. Although I know that I feel that she probably shouldn’t. But I want that to be her choice.

And maybe she doesn’t want that kind of ambiguity, just as she is not comfortable with my brother’s very straight-forward directness.

Maybe she just wants things to go on as normal, forever. Unfortunately, that is a wish nobody can fulfill.

So we will have to do our best to make the time until forever starts, as beautiful as possible.

Azure Spiral by Linuron