I have also had the treacherous thought of doing something that was … not so serious and more pure fun with that still-very-incredibly limited time to draw.
I have had for some time now an idea for a scenario I call “Hammer & Magic” …
Like: What if there were sorcerers and magicians in revolutionary Russia. The tone would be Harry Potter-ish but with serious themes …
For example, whose side are these magicians on when the revolution claims lives?
Why not whip up bread by magic for the poor masses or teach them to do it themselves, instead of accepting that people have to choose between an autocratic Tsar or a dictatorial Lenin and their demands?
There’s a lot of potential here and it could be fun. It is fun.
I could do it over on alternate-history.com and in bits and pieces and then combine writing and sketching, so I would not do full comic book layouts, only in certain instances. Usually it would be more pin-ups.
If I can live with that less ambition, art-wise, it could be a perfect deal. Right now.
I would also have a small audience but not do it for fame and money. But audience and feedback is always important to keep motivated. That goes without saying. Just don’t get too focused on either.
So what is holding me back?
Well, I guess nothing really, except the fear of failing … of it all petering out for the nth time. Because of Real Life.
Or some more, as of yet unknown, inner schlock I have to clear out to finally, without hindrance, just go and draw and tell stories like I loved so much when I was a teen.
Maybe there is also a bit of sense of betrayal towards that dimension travel story I have tried to tell in different incarnations for so long.
But with those 30 minutes or so a day I have to myself I really need to do something fun. And I don’t want to go back to porn, or TV-series, or buzzing around the web in order to re-charge in that time. I want to DO something. Something that matters.
But also something that is fun. I think that will recharge me more. The dimension travel story is, like the past-life story, very serious stuff.
Despite the themes the style of story-telling in Hammer & Magic would, as said, be more, well, ‘light’ … more like Harry Potter, which combined that style with some pretty heavy themes. And did it splendidly.
(At least, that is how I feel I would do it now. We will see how it turns out when I do it!)
Anyway, I think I will just have to try this, with the time I have got. I will also combine this with blogging, so each new snippet and bit for this story, including art, will become the basis of a blog-post.
I feel I can defend this choice as long as I write some meaningful commentary on that post …
So this is one of them.
I feel good about having reached that conclusion. Art is a very difficult area for me to prioritize, especially now. Art and writing …
And there has been so much inner distortion and lot of it I have written about this past year and it does not make me proud.
Lots of feeling of failure as well, of unused potential.
Feelings which were founded on some real lack of effort or just coming from an inner critic, which I have silenced much in recent years but probably will never completely exorcise from myself.
But I am getting better at handling him – that inner critic.
Originally I felt like writing a post which was very dark, lamenting why I could seemingly never here in my middle years find some kind of priority-mix for creativity that worked and fit the rest of my life.
Then the uplifting part – LOL – would be some conclusion about accepting that never-ending search and just appreciate that I was creative and had had many good creative experiences.
Fortunately I did not write that. I wrote this.
And in this the conclusion is that I am almost there.
Given my current life situation and priorities I HAVE to put first – such as earning money now, and taking care of family – given all that and given the limited hours, if not minutes, I have for anything else, this feels like a good combo.
I will write a bit of novellas, which I am already good at and use that process for blogging.
I will write a bit of Hammer-story and do all kinds of illustrations for it, comics pages or otherwise, whatever feels right. I will use that process as well to tell about some interesting and hopefully useful experiences here, on The Blog.
And it will be bits and bits and bits and not much more. But it will be moving forward. And that feels damn good.