377. Not Force

So Char and Jay are off, and I went to see JMO in the evening for socializing and to get back some baby-stuff we forgot there (behind the couch) when we borrowed his house to escape the incessant pipe-work.

We had a good discussion – mildly put – JMO and I – about the so called #metoo movement against sexual harassment. I wanted to post more about that, but I don’t think our opinions about the movement and its significance, pros and cons are as important as the fact that we managed to get pretty heated … and yet still part amicably.

As we mostly do.

That’s quality friendship, right there. JMO even recognized this in an email the day after and I was worried that maybe he did not look at it quite like that. I mean, I was worried that he was still miffed with me, for my views …

(Which basically were that you could trust most of the women had a good case, morally. His opinion was that you could not, because all sorts of other agendas – from vengeance to bad memory to 15-minutes-of-fame could be conflated.)

But an interesting evening to be sure. And good to get out of the house and be with other adults.

Really.

But again, this is not the important stuff.

The important stuff is that as I went home, late – while it snowed and all – I had more quiet in the head to figure out and think about my newfound rhythm with drawing.

I wrote about discipline last time, about how important it was for me to cut off my super-focused use of spare time at 4 PM and not watch any more business-related stuff and then go to art-stuff.

I could add to that the importance of not forcing anything, since it is a project – Hammer & Magic – without a deadline, without ambitions … nothing else than to have fun and rejuvenate. In those precious few minutes I have each day. For this.

So when I don’t feel like drawing in those small blocks of time I should not force it.

I should lock on to the energy of drawing, so to speak, and watch more videos about drawing. Then I almost inevitably get motivated to draw. Even if just a scribble.

And a scribble usually leads to more drawing.

Until the time block is interrupted, of course 🙂

So I know what I want and what the scope and limit of this should be and I am okay with it.

And within that frame I know how then to make the best of it. And that is not pushing.

I think that goes for friendships, too, in a funny way.

I thought about, when I got home tonight, that I should mail JMO and try to add to the discussion. I was afraid if it had gotten out of hand or something.

But I also had the feeling that I should try to have faith in the process and give him a chance to speak out about how he felt about how it all had landed – before I tried to go in and force the result, force his perception of what it had all meant by framing a continued discussion.

Does that make sense?

I hope so.

There is, in all matters, something about forcing things that rarely seem to work for me, unless it is a deadline in webdesign or such.

Why have I not understood it more clearly until now, at this time in life? I still have trouble understanding it …

But I am a bit better now, with regard to understanding.

And it really feels good.

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