Everything has … slipped. Not because something catastrophic has happened, mind you, just the daily whirl of baby-care, looking for work, relationship maintenance and Everything Else.
So this is actually written on Jan 6, and therefore it is time to do a series of list posts again – although I officially hate these animals. But I figure they might do some good in giving me a chance to review and reflect deeper on where I have been and where I am going before that big sum-up in post no. 400.
First up are some pertinent considerations about Art & Creativity …
… specifically my new ‘pastime’ art project – Hammer & Magic:
1. That is another good form of beginning, I suppose: To constantly imagine what I will draw, even if I don’t have time yet to draw it. Or have even decided how ambitious I am going to be, and can possible be, about it. But these are seeds, and they are nurtured at times when I am slogging through the winter rain to get some thing or other for Jay’s dinner from one of the few super markets open. And thus they grow.
2. So money, miscast loyalty to others, and devotion to productivity methods that may work for others but not oneself. Those three agendas sucked out a lot of energy from the YA novel, until I shelved it when other parts of reality killed the last of my motivation, notably my need to focus on my own business, on getting settled in yet another new apartment and dealing with the personal and relationship fall-out after (at first) not having been able to have Jay, after many treatments. Oh, and a couple of close family members died, too. Just sayin’ …
3. Given my current life situation and priorities I HAVE to put first – such as earning money now, and taking care of family – given all that and given the limited hours, if not minutes, I have for anything else, this feels like a good combo: I will write a bit of novellas, which I am already good at and use that process for blogging. I will write a bit of Hammer-story and do all kinds of illustrations for it, comics pages or otherwise, whatever feels right. I will use that process as well to tell about some interesting and hopefully useful experiences here, on The Blog. And it will be bits and bits and bits and not much more. But it will be moving forward. And that feels damn good.
4. The easy and yet difficult question is that of Stephen “7 Habits” Covey is to ask yourself what you want people to remember about you at your funeral. I like to imagine my spirit seeing my body and thinking back on what I achieved. And spending countless of hours with the ‘B’s – boners, buzz, breaking news and battleships (any kind of random entertainment) – that just won’t hack it. I’m not a puritan, that bears repeating. But the fact is that I badly want to draw more, now that I have thought and obsessed about this for years and I badly want to do better at business. I have already watched and read thousands of hours of porn, news, and entertainment. Oh, and good books, too – books that are important for your spirit and education and all that. And I have 20 minutes every day to myself. After Jay starts daycare I might have an hour or two at best, because I still have to spend more time making money. So those are facts. They should make it easy to choose how to spend that time for some years in the future.
5. I have a story. And it has heart. That is what is important.
These are essentially the most recent conclusions about art-motivation. (And filtering of no-good motivations.) And I’d do well to remember them.
The advice in this post is a composite of post excerpts in the category Art & Creativity … from late 2017 on The Blog.
Here you can also find direct links to the posts themselves and read them as part of a narrative about the ups and downs of trying to find meaning in, like, life and everything.