Now this is something pretty important … again:
A very difficult and delicate balance, which I have often written about, and I will do so again. But it is important to keep in mind. Especially in situations such as this, where you are fearing for a loved one and pondering scenarios and outcomes and consequences whilst trying to live your daily: Always try to keep a good balance between thinking and letting go and doing – something else. It is excruciatingly difficult but it is the only way – the only focus. Otherwise you tend to veer off towards extremes, like depression or suppression – which is kind of the same thing really. So again I take a deep breath and go for balance.
You can read the 10 previous Important Reflections etc. etc. about Inner Power summed up in the last post, so I won’t go over them again here, nor the reason for half a month of these kind of research posts.
Instead let me try to explain why this one is different from the last one – about always maintaining a focus on building positive thoughts and appreciations as a balance to dark feelings and times.
It is different, and yet related – this particular Reflection. It is also related very much to Reflection (okay, that is an imperative) no. 6:
Only do major problem solving when you are rested. (Post 420.)
And yet it is different.
No. 10 Imperative says: If it’s dark, light a fire. (Post 424.)
No. 6 says what is says about.
In essence they are both about fighting – opposing – the build-up of depressive feelings as a response to some outside event, like being left by a lover or having a serious health problem.
There will be two ways to deal with such feelings, aside from allowing them to run their natural course (if you are strong enough – and confident enough – for this).
One is, to try to solve whatever problem you feel you have about what happened and then wait until such time as you have energy enough to solve. That is the message in Only do major problem solving when you are rested (post 420).
This could be trying to figure out why your spouse/lover/girlfriend/boyfriend etc. left you and find ways to accept this and improve your relationship next time, if you feel you are responsible.
It could be a million things, but it is a very active and rational and necessary way of dealing with problems. IF you have the surplus. Hence the message about being rested before you try to dig into it all …
The other one, If it’s dark, light a fire, is about creating a balance to something we can’t immediately, if ever, hope to “solve” – like the passing of a loved one.
We will never get that person back. We may believe we will see each other again at some point, or be able to communicate perhaps – if we are into such spiritual things. But for all intents and purposes that person is now, for the rest of your life, removed from … that life. And that is the big gaping void that is called … grief.
Now, grief has a natural course to run – I do believe that. But as time wears on you have to live and have to recognize if grief impedes you and keeps you depressed for years on end.
I know, I know – maybe this is a bad example, because how on Earth to do this?
Well, bear with me. Let us use the example … we have to talk about something we cannot change. And death is such a thing.
So light a dark is about creating balance. Find a new focus on something that gives light and joy, and which makes you able to carry that empty space in your heart.
Remember: It is always easier, when you are filled with strength from one source, to bear the burden of pain from another source. If there is only the pain then …
And now I am talking about this response to problems and pain and grief:
Always try to keep a good balance between thinking and letting go and doing – something else. It is excruciatingly difficult but it is the only way – the only focus.
This is about letting go consciously of some problem-solving and then waiting until you have the strength to tackle it again (as in no. 6 Reflection). But there is more than this, perhaps rather superficial addendum. There is more …
It is also about letting go with a sense of trust that answers will come, or that you are able to survive your problem even if you don’t find a way to “solve” things the next day, next week, or even next year!
It is about letting go of the problem of your spouse leaving or your friend dying or your incredible job being downsized away, by allowing yourself to take a break even if you can’t be sure you can find the solution rationally (no. 6) when you are rested.
And even if you don’t feel you have the strength to build up some positive counter (no. 10).
Because sometimes we tend to set conditions for ourselves, like: “I am not allowed rest I need to solve this problem before I can be sure I can solve it – later.”
That is totally irrational, of course, but I have been there. If you have read this far, you have too.
But there is a way to defeat this kind of thinking: Recognize it for what it is, and then try – without thinking anymore – to take that break. Allow it.
Go eat an ice cream and look at the sea. And feel better already.
This is about method and habit. And about how to make all else work.