450. The End of The Beginning Sort Of

It is now 10 March 2018 and the 450th post. Since this is dated earlier, I’m obviously behind – again. So I guess it is time to rethink the project. I hate being behind so much and The Blog is not supposed to be a chore or a stress factor, it’s supposed to be a source of strength.

I don’t care to recap why I’m so much behind, because there has been plenty of that in recent posts. So that’s all I’m going to say on this matter right now. Conclusion is that … I’m behind. Almost a fortnight. Again.

Let’s first see what I feel I lack doing, and then see how to address some of it – or cut it away. After all, a quick way to ‘accomplish things’ is to not decide to do so many things in the first place. Or in other words, a quick way to reduce stress and feel you are ahead is to take things entirely off your to do-list instead of struggling to cross them out.

Let’s see about that …

First of all there have been several periods since January during which I simply have not felt able to blog from day to day, much less write a new post with diary content and then some deeper reflections following about … well, any given topic related to what was happening during the day.

Again, I’m not even going to link back to all that here, because there is no time. It is Saturday (10 March) and Jay is in the other room trying to sleep (with Char) and I don’t know for how long, and the house is a bit of a mess. It has been helpful that he has been 4 days in daycare (his first week) Tuesday-Friday, but in reality it barely allowed me to catch up with those existing customers I tried to keep around while on the same time doing the paternity leave-thing.

But enough of that. Now … what about The Blog? What do I feel I ‘need’ to do to bring it up to par again?

First of all, obviously, go back to the diary format or ‘frame’ for every post. I want The Blog to be concrete, relatable, and I want it to be read in order from post 1 to 14,012 – in principle. If anybody will ever care to do that. The option should be there.

Alas, I’ve already done several periods of ‘fill in’ and not even with substantial posts from the archives to replace the diary and more contemporary content. Sometimes it’s been a … poem. Or something I found online which was similar – something uplifting that I liked. Good enough to support the general purpose of The Blog, but not much more.

I don’t have the time or energy to go back and redo all those posts, which must total maybe 70-100 posts out of the 450 I’ve done so far. A guess but I think it’s close.

And maybe there wouldn’t be so much value in it anyway, even if I could. Even if I had time. Even if I had energy. I admit that

For after all, most days pass without much of significance happening, although I can sometimes make some event or other significant by using it as a lead-in to reflection on a larger issue.

Sometimes an annoying conversation with a customer, and I have many of those, can lead to a good article about considerations of what to do with my (business)-life in general from here on and the next many years.

But most days …


So it would make sense, perhaps, to just write the diary part when something of significance happens, whatever I deem that to be – instead of forcing it. Then I could always tag it and index it, so anyone who wants to actually read all the day-to-day chronologically could do so. I am already tagging and indexing the material here in all sorts of different ways, so why not?

There could even be a monthly summary post of the day-to-day stuff just as I have the Looking Back-posts about the larger themes of life, the universe and everything as they play out for me – every 100 posts-ish.


And then I just have to accept that there will be material on The Blog which is sub par, because of the ambition of The Blog – to do it for every day – vs. life’s ups and downs. Suppose I was building a skyscraper one brick at a time over an entire life.

Obviously there will be rooms that are empty and dusty and where the paint did not come on in time, or in good enough quality. Even if the overall structure is sound and it makes for an imposing sight … in time.


Here’s what I would like to do more on The Blog, if and when I have the time and energy:

  • Interlink all posts more – much more
  • Make a new index for diary posts only
  • Make indexes for story-lines about specific events or topics, so you get something coherent and maybe a little intro. Maybe do those as ebooks as well. You don’t always get coherency when clicking a link for a certain tag, because my tagging, and even my categorizing, is not totally consistent.
  • Finish my first Mega-Guide. It has … stopped. Like so much else. Despite the extensive preparation-work.
  • Do more Mega-Guides – d’uh!
  • Write better. And go back and clean up the writing of old posts. Maybe put in some headline and more paragraphs. Quotes. Images.
  • Finally connect more with other blogs. Read and contribute. And maybe get read and contributed to. (Also related to getting more images – a.k.a. illustrations.) But maybe I should just start with something like Unsplash.com so I don’t have to search so much. At least I can still credit people and make a little connection there.
  • Write about more diverse topics. Don’t repeat myself so often about small daily stuff and frustrations. Dunno exactly how that’s going to align with my ambitions for more diary but there you have it … I would like to write about more, about deeper stuff, and be more varied and original and not repetitive. Don’t we all?!
  • Continue Hammer & Magic … ah, wouldn’t that be wonderful …
  • Continue Shade of the Morning Sun-stories. Because maybe I feel like it …
  • Continue with art and related projects I dream of. Dare I post this link?

And there’s even more. Probably. But my brain is already exploding. And Jay is close to waking, I can hear …

Maybe also do a post on why there are many things I can do anyway, even as a new father, which other fathers just do … Or mothers … I read about a host to our country’s version of X-Factor who is back to full-time work after 2 weeks of maternity leave.

Well, obviously some of the choices I make which cause me to have less time for The Blog, before, now and in the future – they could be changed. Could be undone. Nothing is inevitable. The only question is … what are the consequences and can I live with those.

I don’t have to explain any more. Anybody who reads knows what I did in these past months and why there was little time or energy to blog. That may have been ‘weak’ on my part. Or maybe ‘not courageous’. Or ‘not decisive’. Because I could have been stronger. I could have made different decisions that would have consequences for my family and for work and then borne them.

But I faltered at times. And at other times I made decisions that prioritized family and work to earn, with whatever time and energy I had. And then The Blog and writing and art suffered. As usual.

I am not going to play false and blame myself in public and say it is the truth that I should have chosen differently. It isn’t.

I think – in truth – that my priorities (oh and let’s not forget my mother’s cancer) have been straight:

–  Get some money
–  Get your house in order so you can live there – on all 50 square meters for 3 persons – with dinner, cooking, laundry, etc.
–  Get your family taken care of, especially now that Char has been ‘disabled’ for months.

Those were and are the overall priorities.

And, oh god, I did repeat myself about them anyway … well, there you go!

And I’m not young anymore. I don’t have that much energy anymore.

I’m not in shape and I have bad habits that suck time and which I am working to delete but it can’t be done overnight. There is wastage.

So overall I won’t say I’ve done such a bad job of prioritizing, although undoubtedly – undoubtedly – I could have done better in some areas.

And gained more time and energy for blogging as I want to do ideally. And the same for art and writing. And some of those other things that always get shunted aside in the everyday mill, like nurturing friendships.

But reality is that there are still imbalances. And I have to address them the best I can now that I have more time, in principle. I have to decide how much of that time that should go to earn money in the business, or blog, or do art, or do friends, or catch up with my relationship (so to speak).

30 more hours a week. While Jay is in daycare. That kind of very concrete time.

What will I do?

Heck, I have no idea.

But I will do my best and then try to leave regrets behind as quickly as possible. It’s the only way.