There’s a lot of ground to cover if I want to analyze in depth the dynamics of my rel with Char – both before and now. And during Jay’s first year.
I will probably get to that here – on The Blog. Or at least in private. With my new temp job, which is a kind of service guide duty at stations, there’ll be a lot of standing up and waiting for bewildered passengers.
And time to think.
I still have customers, of course, but in July I expect them to disappear completely as usual. So: Just temp.
But … before that, I want to outline 5 areas I know are essential to my 20-year rel with Char:
- Shared values – like our goal to make a difference in the world
- Shared interests – in travel to South America especially, and Incas
- Will to support each other – with everything. Be it taking some time with Jay for each other, to finance, to doing all sorts of other stuff that we know will support and make the other happy.
- Humor – our natural propensity to laugh together, and at the same stuff
- Sweetness – our enjoyment of ‘common’ experiences together, which are, well, sweet. Just stuff like going out and having coffee, or to the movies.
Sex is not to forget, but it has never been as important as the others.
So in the current situation, how do we forgive each other more often and then turn our remaining … energy towards rebuilding the areas, the bonds, that make us strong?
Which means especially 1,2 and 5? For they have been the cost of a sixth bond, which has grown over the past year, and which fortunately also has a LOT of value in keeping us together …
And that is the bond of being parents together.
The other bonds have to be repaired, but maybe not so much now – but when it is possible.
Still, I have to keep them in mind, and think about them. A lot. During summer.
How to strengthen them again …
A relationship should never be built on a single foundation. Or two pillars.
But on many more pillars.
Maybe it has to be for awhile, but now is the time to begin getting those foundations rebuilt.
For putting too much strain on one or two foundations, like the bond of being parents together … that is not something you can do forever.
You can use the shared joy and responsibility to get a feeling of a bond – again and again. And a very strong one indeed. One that was lacking.
But other bonds have to be strengthened again.
Or it will be like a single rope, or perhaps two ropes, being pulled at all the time.
That will not do.
So: This summer it is time to rebuild.
I want 20 summers more together. Or more.
And I know she wants it as well.
But we have to make begin now.