550. For Jay

Another consideration about this need to rebuild with Char is, of course, Jay.

I have been very angry with Char – and she with me. And we have slammed doors. During this period. But …

I don’t believe that deep down either of us really believed that this would be the end – not after 20 years and numerous hard times. Which we overcame.

We have had a feeling that something fundamental in our love was being hard pressed, if not eroded, and needed to be taken care of.

But otherwise, I do believe – and I do experience – that we both want this to work. To overcome. To be better.

That is a wish that can stand on its own.

We love each other. We want to find solutions. Even if it seems dim – through the fog of anger.

But what is important to both of us,  I have no doubt, is that we must also find solutions for Jay’s sake.

We simply can’t bear that he should have parted parents, much less that he should have parents who bicker and argue most of the time. It makes him feel unsafe and it hurts him. Obviously.

And we want the best for him.

So we have to find a way back to the best in ourselves, even if it has been seriously challenged this past year.

But we have to. There is not other way.