614. Going Forward

I did this course in “abundance” (including, of course, economic abundance). My first result was up after a few days, and it was surprising.

I felt very strongly that I had to divide my life into three perspectives:

  1. What helps my overall life purpose
  2. What helps me pay the bills from day to day and support my family
  3. What gives me energy and is fun

No. 1 I should completely let go of to my version of The Higher/God/the Source/etc.

I can do that if I imagine myself as humble as Joan of Arc, whom I admire a lot, and try to be like her example. I can do that if I dare say: “I don’t know exactly what I am supposed to do here but I trust that you, God, will help me contribute to the best of my ability to humankind, because that is what I really, really want.”

And then let go.

No. 2. I should just do. Go through the motions. Earn the damn money.

As much as I can.

But don’t stress about it. It is a battle I can’t win in the foreseeable future – paying off my debts, establishing regular cash flows, etc.

So why stress?

I have asked that question a number of times, and I think I can only now answer it with: “Yeah, why stress” because of my answer to no. 1

No. 3. I should do, too – and prioritize it as if it was my rent to be paid.

It is, I guess. Rent to myself.

Here I felt I had to be more egoistic and reserve whole days to just do my drawing and The Lines-project (more on that really soon – I promise)

And don’t give a fuck if it impacted someone or raked in some cash. Just do it and have fun with it.

Like Hammer and Magic – that story.

So I try to set at least 1 day – a whole workday – per week now for The Lines. Drawing, doing videos, uploading, sharing.

That gives me energy.

Also for going through the motions of no. 2.

So the gist is … once I separated purpose and passion from making money it actually didn’t feel like such a big deal to make the silly money and do the silly webdesign pitching and do the boring temp work. And budgets. And arguments.

Conclusion:

Sure, I’d love to not have to do any of the work in no. 2 category, but it worked better once I foundĀ  a way – and I think I have – to meet my needs with no. 1 and 3: Purpose and passion.

“The way”: Basically a little more creative conclusion on each of these subjects – passion and purpose – than before …

I knew about Joan of Arc as a role model. I have known about her all my life. I have wanted to be like her. But now I feel I can. I can be the essential part of her – the trust-in-the-Higher-part.

And my God (pun intended) – it feels good to be serving myself more of the good stuff: Drawing. Deliberately. Pushing other people and priorities out of the way.

What went wrong until now? Why didn’t I get it as right until now as I feel I am getting it now?

I have to go back and look (in older posts), but right now I’d rather go forward.

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