75. What You Will

Another Rearrange Appartment-weekend.

I need to throw out or store books etc. from the old shelves so only about 30 per cent is left to fit on the new shelves we are going to put up.

In place of the old shelves there will be our new big cupboard with clothes for all of us. So there goes that wallspace.

I feel edgy and tired and it doesn’t help that there are things to think about about old friends and work and relationships and the world. It all seems to be fighting to get inside my head today.

Tonight another old friend has invited us to the theater. Shakespeare. Twelfth Night.

I should appreciate it but right now I feel mostly like just seeking a shelter somewhere.

I wish dearly for more order and more time to create more order.

I also wish for more peace inside my head about the fact that I’m going to be a father.

And that something inside me could finally untangle itself and just be one with ‘universal peace’, if I may call it so.

Lest that be a figment of my imagination …

I seem to be out of alignment, more than usual, today. I will start with the advice I gave myself weeks back.

I will do the dishes first.

Or to reiterate:

I can approach inner peace from two directions –

1) Start creating peace and order in the the outside world and use that to ‘infect’ the inside world –

2) Or start creating peace in the inside world, maybe by simply sitting down and doing nothing, and then use that to recreate my world outside to seem more peaceful and settled …

The situation dictates what approach works and sometimes you have to go back and forth between each.

I guess today of all days is a good day to test this approach.

I do wish I could just run from it all, but I suppose that is the most natural feeling in the world.

But feeling peace starts with me doing something, no matter the approach I take to the act of creating peace.

And when did anyone ever feel more at peace by the act of running away?