91. My Movie

Today I went to the photographer client’s office an hour away only to discover that he had neglected to inform me that his plane was delayed from Norway, so I was alone there.

Not sure if I should be feeling pissed or not. I had some files there  – no other computer – that I couldn’t have gotten to anyway, if I had not been in the office. And I had to finish them.

But he might have called earlier in the morning saying:

“Ah, I’m delayed – if you can work from home, by all means do that. Save your own time. Save some of mine.”

And I would graciously have said:

“No, no – can’t do that. I promised to get the diplomas finished for your next trip’s participants and those files are at the office only.”

I guess I have a poor case. And I don’t think he’s being cynical, just stressed and forgetful about like how some work-for-hire person might feel about his calendar, 1000 kilometers away.

A more interesting splinter in the wall is that I haven’t been paid my fee yet for last months’ work.

But again there might be an explanation, namely that the accountant only works on Mondays and that the banks only show your balance with one business day’s delay. That at least is my experience.

I guess trust is a thing to be built. And so I will. But apparently I needed to get it out.

It’s been a bit of a rocky start between us – my new firm and my first big client – who, when he pays, will pay the brother part of my bills.

On the other hand, if something goes south we still have Char’s inheritance from when her grandmother died last year. She is also on full salary for about 5 months into her maternity leave.

I’d do well to remember that, but apparently it takes time to trust, not just clients you are dependent on, but also ‘the world’ more in general. Or the Universe. Or God. Call it what you will …

At its simplest, call it:

‘Trust that things will go well and that you have at least some kind of fallback-position.’

I did a live-talk about the Inca Princess after I had done what I should at the office, and the talk went well. I kept thinking about those money, though. Like yesterday and the day before that and many other days before …

How can I turn in more passive income? What kind of valuable asset can I build that will make me at least partially independent of having to sell hours for money?

Something which is both unattractive and unsustainable in the long run, at least if I plan on working full time.

I don’t mind working some of the time, but it’s a no go as I grow older, and with little to show for it in terms of pension, that I should be forced to work hours for money every time I need to pay bills.

So I guess the basic driver to create passive income is and has always been fear; the need to protect myself.

Then after that … convenience I guess.

It almost feels like a sin to admit, and I wonder why …

I wonder why it feels like a sin to admit that I’d like that particular freedom a regular passive income can give – although all the Internet marketing gurus and whoever else is screaming it in your ear every day: That This Is What You Deserve.

Perhaps here is something I need to work with before I can do anything else: My beliefs about money and why I deserve them and how much I deserve.

Perhaps …

To be frank I’m a little lost in this game, for the nth time, and soon I’ll be changing diapers – can you believe it?

The guy who said to himself 20 years ago he never wanted to have children and who by the way wanted to make it big in the world – somehow. At the time, mostly as an artist.

Yeah, that’s me. Or was.

So what now?

I guess I should start with an amount: How much of my income do I want to be passive, like royalties from a book?

Just like that …

How much?

How about … 3500 dollars/month?

Feels like what I should say now. I guess it will cover all eventualities, at a minimum, even if I can’t work anymore.

Perhaps there’s a question of motivation here, too – but I don’t feel demotivated that I haven’t set a higher amount. After all this is just ONE income stream I’m planning.

So what now?

Suppose that’s what I both feel I need and want, when do I want it – except for as soon as possible?

Within 5 years would be really nice.

Arbitrary number again, but there it is.

Okay, then – the big question is how now?

What is it that I should produce? What can and will I create in that time, which has enough value to the world to be monetized in that way?

What?

And there I always feel blank. Like so many other times, like with so many other tries.

I honestly wonder what I’m doing wrong?

Should I start with “my paaaassion” instead?

Should I say affirmations or meditate?

Should I do extensive market research?

At its simplest I feel like … writing more perhaps? Or creating more live-talks, which can then be transmitted or taped?

But the latter feels like a dead end, in today’s economy. And I would have to build up a helluva big platform to achieve any kind of sales. Or advertisement or affiliate income. With that one.

I was about to ask if this path had as much value as doing more guides on webdesign or even self-help manuals? Entertaining and enlightening people with history?

Fortunately I have an answer for that:

Yes.

At least when you count the coins, after long enough has passed.

It is bullshit that some niches are ‘not profitable’ (oh, and buy my program to find out which are!)

The only question is how long are you willing to go on to invest in a niche to earn what kind of amounbt? The whole damn world is your market! Give me 25 years and I’ll earn 3K per month selling ebooks about Ethiopian beetles! No sweat.

So perhaps it starts with passion after all. I’ll think about that while I wait for Char to come home. And for our family to start.

What better thing is there to do?

Better than giving something you are passionate about to the world, and being given money in return?

Not much I can think of.

One answer there. But so many questions remain.

Perhaps, though, this is the time in the movie of my life when they are going to play “The Eye of the Tiger” while I go out to jog again and get into shape.

Instead of going to play again or watch a video and try to hide from the fact that I’ll be 43 soon and haven’t figured out much yet.

I don’t want to see the latter movie, so I’d better make my own.

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