96. Courage Will Happen

Operation Cupboard continued today. So did much of the Mess. Char got ill. I got a whiny mail from Difficult Client. I doubted if I had the courage to go through with this whole father-thing for the nth time.

But then I remembered … someone once said that making a quick decision even if it turns out to be in need of adjustment later, is good. Not making decisions is bad. Worse than bad.

So I decided to quit trying to be a comic book artist. I’ve tried for over 25 years now. Enough’s enough.

I’ll illu my talks and ebooks in a series that continue my dimension travel story. I’ll finish the first comic, though – just 25-ish pages or so. As a farewell to this dream.

And I’ll put it out on Amazon, open up another income stream, let publishing be marketing and accept the slowness of a trickling new income from an asset I barely have time to build much less promote.

And that’s it.

Doesn’t feel so bad, now that I think of it. This decision could … hold. At least for a few years.

Unless it doesn’t. But who cares now. Just having made it felt … better.

Which was odd. Very odd.

Like the mood that struck me yesterday was somehow an illusion. That feeling of the edge of despair, of being a failure, etc.

All coming from my inability to decide? Or did it cause my inability to decide?

Was it psychological, coming from stress about everyday life, fatherhood, mess in apartment and difficult clients?

Was it … something more? Like when they say people can take a bite of your aura or something? Did I pass someone vampiric on the street today?

Well, whatever the case, what I felt yesterday and what made me ramble so much about it … it was real.

And I meant what I said about it.

But making this decision was surprisingly easy.

Perhaps I just had to find the courage to choose Something, not wait for the right choice to show up?

Yeah, that’s it. The courage mobilization vaporized enough of the fear. Then I could see more of what I really felt. And actually make a decision that – lo and behold – maybe close to what I need to do to feel Okay.

Strange. But worth remembering. Because Big Doubt will happen again.

But so will courage.

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