– every day for 14,012 days
Reality is not able to conform to a neat narrative, but it is no harm being reminded in that ever so often.
But the surprises we have from living reality may often be combined into new narratives that make sense, when the old ones are gone or hard to see.
All it takes is a little flexibility of mind and … lots of work.
The Blog (or the light house) is like life and the soul – it is also a mystery. It is chaotic. It contains dead ends and contradictions and multitudes of all of that and more. And whoever wants to read it has a responsibility him- or herself to navigate those labyrinths and find what is needed. But I can only promise that there will always be a glow, not perfect order or no dead ends. But a glow that leads on.
And that is … The Blog
So, like I mused about back in December (IIRC) … if I only have a very limited time I should try to do something in that time that gives mere energy here and now. Results be damned.
Process and the path is all it is about. And if that path leads nowhere then so be it.
But if that way of walking the path actually makes me go the distance then perhaps it will indeed lead somewhere. Finally, and after many, many failed attempts and interpretations about what was good for me creatively.
So it is worth trying.
And now, today, I felt again afraid that I – for some reason – would not make it. Would not draw all the things I really want to draw. Or write all the things I really want to write.
Very afraid …
And I think I know why …
I felt afraid because I was not spending enough time doing it.
For when I don’t spend enough time doing it, then … it is obvious to feel afraid: “What if I die tomorrow or next year? … Without having … ”
Obvious.
I see that now.
And I shared that.
I hope you can use it. I can.
Always keeping a focus on building or appreciating something positive.
This is NOT the same as denying a ‘negative reality’, mind you – but it is about not giving it as much power as it seems to take from you at first: Whatever it is about …
Death of loved ones …
Job-loss …
Health-problems …
General sense of depression …
And so on.
Train yourself to build something that will oppose and balance the way you DO feel about these realities. Don’t deny them. But don’t let them take over, either.
Don’t deny the joy you feel, for example, about your kids, even if you are sad that your job got canned or that your own father or mother died.
That is another good form of beginning, I suppose: To constantly imagine what I will draw, even if I don’t have time yet to draw it. Or have even decided how ambitious I am going to be, and can possible be, about it.
But these are seeds, and they are nurtured at times when I am slogging through the winter rain to get some thing or other for Jay’s dinner from one of the few super markets open.
And thus they grow.
