On a day when I wake up with my head filled with worries about everything from how I am to make money, Jay, relationship, family, creativity and so on, I find that it still works to just say
… ‘screw it’.
What I mean is that I once read in a new age-book that you should try to be different first in order to feel different.… Read more
As I get older I find that I still struggle with fears, perhaps more so than before – fears that come out of nowhere.
But, I suppose, founded in reality. Or potential reality.
Fear of growing old, dying suddenly, getting ill, becoming handicapped, losing Char or Jay like that, etc.
Those and other fears.… Read more
If you feel bad about how little you achieve in a day, then try to lower your expectations.
Not too much, just a little, until you feel better. Praise yourself for what you have achieved. Affirm that you will achieve more of what is truly important, just not today.
It sounds like hard work – this kind of control – and it is.… Read more
I read today that there is no such thing as a ‘time problem’ or a ‘money problem’ – there’s a priority problem.
I agree. Wholeheartedly. It is also the experience from my own life.
It can all be summed up like this: If you think the problem is you don’t have enough of something, perhaps you should try to eliminate the need for that something first.… Read more
If you feel stressed it can often be because you don’t have a clear direction in life.
That is stressful Big Time!
It is, in fact, a recipe for being torn apart.
Or so you will feel – in the worst case scenario – when you are stressed beyond belief and close to actual anxiety!… Read more
I’ve noticed that when there’s something big that stresses me (moving to a new apartment and family illness and career concerns), I inevitably end up stressing about many smaller things as well:
Should I draw more?
I should clean the house more, right?
What about that account balancing?
Don’t I need to do it soon?… Read more
Last day before Char and Jay come back and I have done most of my web-work, the remaining laundry and Blog-catch-up. On the one hand I am relieved, really – and yet … during the day I felt some anxiety about the future all of a sudden, which first made me, well, anxious.… Read more
The day was spent with the final, final cleaning up and clearing out, while waiting for the workers who come tomorrow and tear out the pipes in the bath room and put new ones in – all in merely the course of 5 days.
Luckily, as I believe I have mentioned before, we are able to borrow another house for the duration, at least in the daylight hours while the workers work.… Read more
Tried to work in the usual choppy time-blocks, but the library close by was haunted by another bunch of workers who made noise and with the pace I am bleeding credit, there is no way I can afford my own office yet.
No need to repeat that.
Nor that I went home to help with our ludicrous amounts of laundry, mid-afternoon.… Read more
Tomorrow is my mother’s (2nd) breast cancer operation (it got moved one day), but I find myself feeling strangely like it is taking place in another timeline.
Is it because, so far, indications are she will be okay and it is a best-case scenario after all – even if they remove her remaining breast?… Read more
After feeling emotionally in a hole these past days, there is a renewed sense of … some strength. I have had this feeling before that I should not take anything for granted about what is going to happen now.
Like I wrote:
Don’t take anything for granted.
Don’t take for granted that this is the time for my mother to die, and it’s going to be very sad and painful, and everything is going to fall apart.
… Read more
Spent most of this date redesigning my company website to make it focus more on webshops, because that is what my customers – the ones I’ve had so far – want.
I write this one day after my mother called and said she had a tumor in her remaining breast. She had cancer once before, in 2003, and survived.… Read more
These past weeks have been a deluge of baby-care, dealing anew with the trauma of the birth after Char began therapy again for it, trying to remake our small apartment to a better home for a family, and, well, moving – temporarily to a new house.
The latter is a borrow from a friend who is in Paris with his family, but it is a good borrow even if the logistics added have been heavy … It is a base we can use until we get sorted out the other stuff, and get new energy from being in a real house – relatively big, definitely in order, and with a garden around and quiet neighborhood.… Read more
I just felt like getting this out, and set into words what I have found the most powerful way to feel a kind of peace, for both Char and I, during this uncharted journey.
It’s not like we haven’t tried such journeys before, either literally when we were abroad together, or during great family shakeups, illness, death, unemployment …
And our age does count, I suppose, for something, when it comes to … just dealing with it all.… Read more