Last day before Char and Jay come back and I have done most of my web-work, the remaining laundry and Blog-catch-up. On the one hand I am relieved, really – and yet … during the day I felt some anxiety about the future all of a sudden, which first made me, well, anxious.… Read more
The day was spent with the final, final cleaning up and clearing out, while waiting for the workers who come tomorrow and tear out the pipes in the bath room and put new ones in – all in merely the course of 5 days. Luckily, as I believe I have mentioned before, we are able to borrow another house for the duration, at least in the daylight hours while the workers work.… Read more
Tried to work in the usual choppy time-blocks, but the library close by was haunted by another bunch of workers who made noise and with the pace I am bleeding credit, there is no way I can afford my own office yet.
No need to repeat that.
Nor that I went home to help with our ludicrous amounts of laundry, mid-afternoon.… Read more
Tomorrow is my mother’s (2nd) breast cancer operation (it got moved one day), but I find myself feeling strangely like it is taking place in another timeline.
Is it because, so far, indications are she will be okay and it is a best-case scenario after all – even if they remove her remaining breast?… Read more
After feeling emotionally in a hole these past days, there is a renewed sense of … some strength. I have had this feeling before that I should not take anything for granted about what is going to happen now.
Like I wrote:
… Read more
Don’t take anything for granted.
Don’t take for granted that this is the time for my mother to die, and it’s going to be very sad and painful, and everything is going to fall apart.
Spent most of this date redesigning my company website to make it focus more on webshops, because that is what my customers – the ones I’ve had so far – want.
I write this one day after my mother called and said she had a tumor in her remaining breast. She had cancer once before, in 2003, and survived.… Read more
These past weeks have been a deluge of baby-care, dealing anew with the trauma of the birth after Char began therapy again for it, trying to remake our small apartment to a better home for a family, and, well, moving – temporarily to a new house.
The latter is a borrow from a friend who is in Paris with his family, but it is a good borrow even if the logistics added have been heavy … It is a base we can use until we get sorted out the other stuff, and get new energy from being in a real house – relatively big, definitely in order, and with a garden around and quiet neighborhood.… Read more
I just felt like getting this out, and set into words what I have found the most powerful way to feel a kind of peace, for both Char and I, during this uncharted journey.
It’s not like we haven’t tried such journeys before, either literally when we were abroad together, or during great family shakeups, illness, death, unemployment …
And our age does count, I suppose, for something, when it comes to … just dealing with it all.… Read more
I’ve been thinking about four universal ways in which we (can) handle Crises in life: Big stuff – like somebody dying or losing our health or livelihood. Those categories.
I suppose you could call them strategies but in reality they are probably more like modes of action, derived from a combination of habits, capabilities and whatever social and spiritual support we can command at any given moment.… Read more
I think I’ve found a close-to-optimal way of being ready for Jay’s birth these days, which is something considering how much I’ve fretted before.
Not that there isn’t something left to fret about, but that’s not the issue. The issue is what I choose to do in the wait, to feel ready to go at moment’s notice, yet not obsessing about anything.… Read more