259. Whatever and Courage

So I suppose, after all that has gone before on this gig, I should feel bad that I did not slam the door, or had the courage change myself enough to slam that door earlier in our ‘cooperation’. I mean, I should feel humiliated, shouldn’t I?

But, honestly, I just feel kind of …’whatever’.

Perhaps that is a sign I already have the courage. It doesn’t matter that he acted first.

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232. Realizing Options

I already know his type (much like my former employer when I was in the health sector):

He is a man who deep down cares mostly if not exclusively about himself. You can give all sorts of reasons – my kid, my ability to make money with other clients, my health, etc.

He will try to make it seem like he cares and then he will make demands again, or shrug off any reasonable arguments from my side that he should not abuse my time. He has already done so on a number of occasions since February. So now I know what I am dealing with.

Including my own feelings, I guess. But that makes for a stronger ability to make choices in my favor.

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218. Half the Way

Not only was the lack of income getting to me, but also the sense that I wasn’t providing value – not using my skills and experience for any good for anyone. 

But I was. I wrote something and put it out. And some people will read it and benefit from it.

So that at least I can always do. And that is half the way getting there.

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214. To Deliver or Not To Deliver

In a way it is refreshing – working the world of private business. Not like university where you could get away with writing something clever but which ultimately didn’t help someone. Or a relationship where you can appeal to someone’s sympathy.

Here it is just that: Deliver results and get something. Don’t deliver – don’t get anything.

It is hard, but should it really be any different?

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