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In Family

615. Where Is Abundance – Really?

Author ChrisPosted on Leave a comment

I genuinely feel this course is tremendous value for money – almost too much value. 

But I also feel there is something deeper that rubs me the wrong way – deeper than my inability to participate live very much. So what is that?

Perhaps worth exploring, even if there is a monkey somewhere in my mind screaming that I am a failure for even thinking this way. 

I mean, if you don’t get with the program to create abundance in your life now – or at least later – then isn’t it your own fault, all of it?

Perhaps. Or perhaps there are more abundant perspectives on reality than this one course in “abundance” can give.

And I mean to explore them all.

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In Family

602. Two Minds

Author ChrisPosted on

Jay is visiting grandma with Char and is having trouble sleeping. It’s heatwave time. He doesn’t like that.

It’s a strange house and a different bed. And so on.

I have trouble sleeping, but I suppose for different reasons.

I stay here in the City and work and do the house and do a few things, like drawing. In fact, I do a lot on the ‘house’ – a lot of repair work and washing that we don’t have time for when Jay is here. Or rarely.

And even so I feel a bit guilty not being down there and being able to relieve Char when she has not slept, because Jay has not slept.

I suppose grandma, and other visiting family, can do a bit here, but even so … 

It is a strange feeling … Not sure if it is worry about Jay, who – as said – is really having trouble adjusting to the heat.

Or if it is a feeling of obligation to share the burdens with Char, which somehow is still there even though I certainly do my part at home, at this moment.

Not sure about any of that, really.

But it is a relatively mild problem, and they will soon be home and everything will be back to its chaotic normal. And with 0.5 percent time again for chores like the ones I am doing now. And work. And a lot of other things.

So maybe I should just try to … appreciate the experience. Not in a lala-way. But just try to set my mind in two places at once, instead of just on the worry and faint guilt.

Stay in that damn feeling and feel all of it, including that which is worth appreciating:

Like the fact that I do miss my son even though he is taking every bit of time from me and then some. 

And that I want to help Char take care of him, on as equal terms as possible in this day and age.

Aren’t those worthwhile feelings? Too?

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In Family, Relations & Relationship

550. For Jay

Author ChrisPosted on

We love each other. We want to find solutions. Even if it seems dim – through the fog of anger.

But what is important to both of us,  I have no doubt, is that we must also find solutions for Jay’s sake.

We simply can’t bear that he should have parted parents, much less that he should have parents who bicker and argue most of the time. It makes him feel unsafe and it hurts him. Obviously.

And we want the best for him.

So we have to find a way back to the best in ourselves, even if it has been seriously challenged this past year.

But we have to. There is not other way.

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In Family

483. Pride Priorities

Author ChrisPosted on

But if more “pride” really is what is missing (too) after a year with a baby and all sorts of other distractions, then right now the next thing I want to prioritize that can make me proud of myself – and her more proud of me – is just that boring old thing:

To go out there and earn money for the family.

And it is the right priority now.

Then there will be other times when the other priorities must be higher.

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In Family

442. Something Important

Author ChrisPosted on

Went swimming today with Jay and it was exhausting but great. He really likes water, the little one – or so I fancy. Especially chasing after a ball in water as I hold him.

There, nothing earth-shattering new to report, but something important.

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In Family

432. The Real Is What We Need

Author ChrisPosted on

Another choice, then, as a parent [not to give Jay a helmet to correct a small deformity on his head]. But we really have to consider ALL the factors. 

And that includes all the other good factors that help Jay and which we will dismiss, if we believe that this sort of instrument will make the difference in our efforts to correct his head. 

Such as being able to stroke and kiss his head, even if the effects are only psychological for us – and only a symbolic gesture of what we wish for him, for his body development.

But most importantly, of course, that science says it doesn’t really help with a helmet. Whereas with craniosacral therapy we do feel it helps, and we have a series of photos that seem to show that it does.

That may not be particularly scientific – the last type of documentation – but it is very practical – very real – right here and now. And that is what we need. Practical and real results. Experienced results. Not some intervention with lots of ramifications and born out of fear.

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In Family

385. Right Frame of Mind

Author ChrisPosted on

So all in all it was as it should be on X-mas even, or as we wanted it to be despite various tests (baby fits, chemo therapy, tired from work).

But I think it always works out like that if you are minded for it. Not in a ‘let’s-push-this-through-despite-everything’-frame of mind. More like a ‘let’s-take-it-easy-and-wait-and-see-and-give-each-other-some-room’-mind.

That’s good to remember, also on other evenings.

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In Family

369. The Buzz About Fathers

Author ChrisPosted on

Char was away from Jay today for the longest time since his birth – 8 hours – and I had to look after him. And I was nervous about that, like any man.

But it went quite well. And I feel totally good about that. I know it sounds trite, but I do feel a bit more being a father because I was able to do this.

Now I know what all the buzz is about.

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In Family

311. Good Spirit

Author ChrisPosted on

this date I will call to check on my mother, and she will sound … happy.

Despite the new cancer-threat.

Or at least … in “good spirits”, as they say.

Not denying reality, but not sounding like it’s about to break either.

I believe that despite her frailty in some situations, my mother has gotten a lot stronger over the years. Especially after surviving one bout of cancer in 2003 but also in general.

I don’t know if this signifies anything, but on a day like that it will be enough for me.

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In Family, Relations & Relationship

305. Blessed And Recognized

Author ChrisPosted on

“Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.”
― John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

I feel this is true of family, too – as family gets to know each other over the years, and come closer. That is the ideal, anyway. But it exists. It does in my family. And we are blessed because of it.

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In Family

292. Sense-Making Loss

Author ChrisPosted on

I had given away and sold hundreds of comics and books in the 9 months leading up to Jay’s birth and still it wasn’t enough to make room enough for a family.

So I had to give away what really mattered, although it is only temporary.

But felt, even so. A lot, in fact.

I say this about comics, some from the 60s – with unforgettable stories and worth some money. You might say this about something else.

But I’d like to think you’d do the same, if you found that there really was no other priorities that made sense.

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