574. Simple

“When it comes to building a more positive relationship with money, we always have to take the first step. Money is a bit shy in that way. But when money sees that we like it and appreciate it, it tends to let its guard down and play back at us.” – Steve Pavlina

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545. Waiting For

It would really be a great help, and steady a lot of things, if one of us got a steady, high-paid job – after years of uncertainty here. And now with Jay along.

So of course there is fear it won’t come anyway. Or ever.

But … perhaps that fear just has to be accepted. Lived with.

I mean, I can write all sorts of good things about how we are just going to press on if things don’t turn out as we hope.

But before that … how about just accepting the fear instead of fighting it?

It is not easy. But I will try. I think it actually helps.

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398. Patterns to Replicate

The Decision the other day about scaling down my attempts to ‘fight for time’ to find customers until Jay starts daycare and Char’s hand can heal … that had some interesting consequences.

I mean, I’ve had – what? – five different people contact me since then with prompts for quotes on webdesign tasks. Some of them were old customers, some could be new.

This may just be a coincidence, this may just be what automatically happens once everyone gets back from the holidays.

On the other hand, without getting too metaphysical (yet), I seem to remember similar instances in the past of letting go of my fight to get certain results and suddenly some of those results would come anyway. 

Whatever the cause, if any, it is certainly worth looking for patterns here. And take note each time, I think I notice one.

I might just be able to replicate it.

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342. Good Sense

So keep cool and don’t work in the weekend, at least not yet. And not unless the above-mentioned special exception – The Big Really Important Project for The Big Customer. Who is not here these days … 

It is difficult but it makes good sense, to maintain this schedule, even though my income is not good currently compared to expenses. Otherwise I would never have a day off – including a day off from trying to earn money and carve out time to earn money. And then what would be the bloody point?

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325. Never Mind

I feel deeply I need to change my financial situation. I’m sick of it. Even if I’m not living in Ethiopia (far from it), I’m.Still.Sick.

Of It.

I think that’s the only important part here:

I want change so much, in this department (so to speak), I’m more than willing to shit on all sorts of Perfectly Reasonable Reasons why something can’t be done or shouldn’t be done. (At least right now.)

And so I do. Now I just got to choose a starting date.

How about tomorrow?

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280. First Test

No sense to sell out my sense of calm in the present and stress and try various ill-thought through activities to ‘insure’ I will earn more, in the future.

No sense at all.

Except follow a plan I already have about what to do, when to do it, and be calm when I don’t have the time to do it, because of babies, dishes and other life-things.

But I did it fine. Today.

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265. The Hardest Part

I suppose I should feel bereft, having spent such a long time struggling with this question about making money in better ways – only to end up realizing that I can’t solve it now and that I am definitely trying to solve it in a wrong way, a way that does not work and so I should stop.

And wait. See what comes.

That is the hardest part. But sometimes we have to.

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244. Drop By Drop

Perhaps it is smarter to do as I stated above and then try to create that situation now, which I want, and then expand it gradually as best I can – like a pool spilling over into the areas outside of the pool … or something.

Instead of pretending or imagining that I am in a desert thirsting and I have to try to reach a pool somewhere in the distance?

I have to imagine I have a small pool now and focusing on making that grow and spill over.

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