248. What I Have To

Sleep poorly these days, feel there’s too much work and then of course preparing the baptism and keeping up with Jay every day. It’s not awfully bad but it’s not particularly good either.

Maybe I am affected by something not entirely of my own making, sometimes I do feel like a certain negative ‘energy’ latches on to me from people or places.… Read more

203. Beauty

Time to be philosophical – not in the least because the day has been anything but, with breadwinner-work and baby-work.

Okay, here goes:

Happiness and peace taken together equals a sense of … beauty.

This is first and foremost and inner experience, or an inner journey if you will, since there is nothing fixed about it.… Read more

194. My Life Is Fucking Perfect (Not)

So I’m sitting at this local cafe, living ‘the laptop lifestyle’, sipping latte and blogging about what’s on my mind.

Except that I’m doing it to escape our two-roomer and a baby and get an overview of what’s in my mind. Or rather: Check a growing feeling of despair this morning.… Read more

193. I’m Amazed At How Difficult It Is

… for me to earn money in a way that’s enjoyable.

I’m amazed that at this stage of my life, 43, I have not been able to put my skill, experience, intuition to better use to make more money in more satisfying ways.

I’m amazed and deeply humbled.

What can redeem all of this is if I can put that insight and sense of humility to good use, for myself or others, in the future, and thus leave something of deep value behind.… Read more

161. Going Through

A really dreadful day and night, perhaps the worst in my life since I was hospitalized 12 years ago for acute anxiety and generally losing my marbles. We shouldn’t have come home so early after the operation and dead-tired and with a little child, but we didn’t know how to say that to the  hospital.… Read more