193. I’m Amazed At How Difficult It Is

… for me to earn money in a way that’s enjoyable.

I’m amazed that at this stage of my life, 43, I have not been able to put my skill, experience, intuition to better use to make more money in more satisfying ways.

I’m amazed and deeply humbled.

What can redeem all of this is if I can put that insight and sense of humility to good use, for myself or others, in the future, and thus leave something of deep value behind.… Read more

161. Going Through

A really dreadful day and night, perhaps the worst in my life since I was hospitalized 12 years ago for acute anxiety and generally losing my marbles. We shouldn’t have come home so early after the operation and dead-tired and with a little child, but we didn’t know how to say that to the  hospital.… Read more

160. The Strand

The day after Jay’s birth we were in tatters. Having ended with an emergency cesarean all our dreams about how this should be (for years if we include the fertility treatments since 2011) …  crashed. He was there and he was alive and we had to take care of him but it was difficult.… Read more

157. Piss in the Pants

Now that I’m about a week into my (second) internet detox-run this year, I’m truly beginning to appreciate how addicted I have been to the Internet. (And how ironic it is that my best medium for conveying this addiction to a larger audience is … the Internet.)

As noted elsewhere my goal is for 30 days to NOT view anything on the Internet which is not “vital” or related to my personal goals – such as: strengthening certain friendships, helping my webdesign business with concrete tasks, helping me with concrete problems about writing and publishing.… Read more

153. Detox II

I awoke with my head full of rampaging thoughts, about everything from work to sex to trivialities and I hated it. It’s not as if it happens so often anymore, but it is a reflection of a larger issue:

I still use woefully little of my mental capacity to actually drive towards the goals that mean something to me.… Read more

152. The Best of It

Our son should have been born today, at least according to the doctors’ predictions. He wasn’t.

Not a world-shattering problem, but I must admit the waiting time is getting to us. So we tried to make the best of it and went out into the sun.… Read more