The day after Jay’s birth we were in tatters. Having ended with an emergency cesarean all our dreams about how this should be (for years if we include the fertility treatments since 2011) … crashed. He was there and he was alive and we had to take care of him but it was difficult.… Read more
Now that I’m about a week into my (second) internet detox-run this year, I’m truly beginning to appreciate how addicted I have been to the Internet. (And how ironic it is that my best medium for conveying this addiction to a larger audience is … the Internet.)
As noted elsewhere my goal is for 30 days to NOT view anything on the Internet which is not “vital” or related to my personal goals – such as: strengthening certain friendships, helping my webdesign business with concrete tasks, helping me with concrete problems about writing and publishing.… Read more
I awoke with my head full of rampaging thoughts, about everything from work to sex to trivialities and I hated it. It’s not as if it happens so often anymore, but it is a reflection of a larger issue:
I still use woefully little of my mental capacity to actually drive towards the goals that mean something to me.… Read more
Our son should have been born today, at least according to the doctors’ predictions. He wasn’t.
Not a world-shattering problem, but I must admit the waiting time is getting to us. So we tried to make the best of it and went out into the sun.… Read more
When you are waiting for your first child to be born and your life to change forever (again), you can decide to pass time by focusing on all sorts of other things, maybe even go workaholic about it. Or you can decide to just be ready and focus on all sorts of other things, only insofar as they serve not to keep you restless.… Read more
I’ve been thinking about what I want to prioritize the deepest in the next 40 years – probably the rest – of my life.
It’s not trying to reach some special position in political, economic or cultural life. It’s not about fame. It’s not about travelling to new places. It’s not about more sex.… Read more
Waiting in the cinema for an old friend, and a showing of National Live Theater direct from London, which should make me feel all cultivated, pleasantly aloof and stylish. Instead I feel like a vagabond of sorts.
I biked up here from my rent-an-office-space, the parka not being quite right because the weather is in-between autumn and spring still; and my general physical condition is below average.… Read more
I had this feeling yesterday, after thinking much about what to do with my writing, that I’m also equally clueless with regard to my blogging. Since I’ve been blogging on and off from 2004-2017 this is not exactly something I admit lightly.
But think of this: What kind of audience am I blogging for now?… Read more
Spent today doing business before noon and writing after noon – which is as it should be.
Because soon my ability to plan anything with regularity will be turned upside down again, when Jay arrives. So I’d better spend time well until then.
But it’s okay – that things are like this.… Read more
These past days I’ve been feeling stressed – too stressed, thoughts racing, even my movements too rapid. Like a film set to go at 1.25 instead of 1.00 speed. And that is 0.25 points too much.
This Will Not Stand.
The quality of my life is measured by how I experience it and I have to chose to experience it differently now.… Read more