320. Fear Is Something You Learn To Live Better With

My mom called today and said she is going to have surgery in 10 days to remove her remaining breast. It seems like the cancer-tumor is local.

She is exhausted as are the rest of us, but given the situation’s severity this is by far the best outcome.

I had thought I would still be relatively anxious afterwards and think about what if they discover cancer-cells in the lymphatic system during the operation (a standard test)?… Read more

313. A Prayer To The Soul

So we went back to the borrowed house in a nearby smaller city to get a little away from our cluttered (albeit better-looking-with-new-couch) apartment in the bigger city. Kind of like going on holiday, except that in my heart there never seems to be a holiday.

Since Char’s father died in 2015 there have been other deaths – my aunt, from a heart attack; Char’s grandmother after a long period of suffering from all kinds of things.… Read more

276. Reminders

Teaching WordPress all day and getting paid for it, which begs the question – how can I get to do that again?

Which begs the question: Why do I want to work, when I should create ‘passive income’ based on royalties from a product-line etc? [Sarcastic reference to previous attempts at creating this reality in my work-life?]

I think it comes down to this again: That I do enjoy giving – I do enjoy the real-life connection – I do enjoy seeing the results, or lack thereof.… Read more

267. The Soul Opportunity

A long train-ride home gives you time to think about the essentials of life.

I had deliberately not planned work or even reading, although I did a little of the latter. But Jay behaved nicely and the other passengers behaved nicely, too, and the train was on time.

Still, it felt good to use large stretches of time, aside from talking with Char and holding Jay, to just look out the window and take stock.… Read more

229. The Only Thing

Today my mum came by to see her grand son and we had a great time, except in the evening when Jay was next to impossible for reasons we couldn’t quite gauge.

Maybe the stomach, maybe just because he is growing. Maybe just … because.

But something else has been growing, in my mind, recently … a thought about my ‘lost’ novella-series, Shade of the Morning Sun.… Read more

197. New Drive

I have thought a lot about what drives me. Ask me and I will say ‘never fame or money’ – never to a certain ‘position’ in politics, business or culture. None of that.

But if I really see what’s inside myself I am not so sure.

I am sure, though, when I really, really feel what I want … that I don’t want those drives.… Read more

178. How I Sabotage Myself From Earning Money

Today I was supposed for the first time to go back to my own office space and rake in more customers to my web consultant business. I was supposed to start, after 3 weeks of leave due to the birth of Jay, to plug the whole in my credit account.

But instead I went to my office space and did a lot of thinking.… Read more

175. The Power of the Past

I was thinking this morning, as I sometimes do, with a vague nostalgia about the time I lived in the second largest city of the country. Over 20 years ago …

We lived three young people in a shared apartment and the days went by with me working in an after school club and then in the evening the two of us sometimes went to the cinema and to events about comics and movies.… Read more