I just stayed home and helped take care of Jay and carry him around, since Char’s hand, unfortunately, has not gotten better overall since all of this started back in, I think, October or September.
She was seeing a specialty doctor the other day and got an injection with some hormone-or-other that would help reduce the inflammation.… Read more
Might as well get this written down before I forget it.
Mind you, it’s not like Char and I have a sex-life right now, which is as it should be, because her recovery from the birth is what takes time. And then there’s is Jay. And we have had our fun, and lots of it, in younger days.… Read more
I’m through summing up conclusions from last year’s reflections, but where next?
These day’s I’ve had a backlog of posts, not because the world went up in flames but just … because: Baby, work, family and all. And sometimes the need to forget my laser-focus and just zone out whenever I had an hour or two.… Read more
Last day at my parents’ and everything is sort of fine, except that I have a cold and I have been reminded again that all is not as dandy in my 20-year relationship with Char as I like to tell myself.
Nothing special has happened, just another of those episodes where I say something I think is innocent, often something I say to help and she takes it as some kind of criticism and gets irritated.… Read more
Laundry and other house-work and shifts on taking care of Jay, and it all made me think about whether or not a way to a ‘better life’ is together? I mean, with a business Char and I do together?
Yeah, yeah, our lives are relatively good, aren’t they? We’re not begging on the streets in Mogadishu.… Read more
Recently I’ve felt more and more often that I’m ‘losing myself’, and the worst part is that I cannot really feel what it is exactly I am losing. Because I don’t feel I have time to sit down and feel … that.
It should ring some alarm bells and it does.… Read more
Felt very clear today about at least some parts of the future. Especially that I have to see The Blog as my primary purposeful work – even if the rest is excruciatingly normal and forgettable and not making any difference.
Yes, I suppose some of that “rest” is forgettable if you see me as just a person who lives an ordinary life.… Read more
“Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.”
― John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
I feel this is true of family, too – as family gets to know each other over the years, and come closer.… Read more
Home alone and time enough for work and to think about whether or not my relationship with Char is in some kind of crisis.
We increasingly get angry with each other, even over small things. We increasingly seem to automatically consider something the other said as an attack, or something done to take something away from us.… Read more
Worked much of the day on a project for a customer who had paid me in June, but who has been going bankrupt for so many months. I wondered why I still cared.
Sure, she had paid me and I owed her, but I have also done a lot of voluntary stuff on her webshop in 2016, so from some other perspective you could argue she still owed me, although that would probably be too cynical.… Read more
Everything just blew up this morning, our frustrations, my stress. So much for the podcast I actually managed to make yesterday for my product line about peace, joy etc.
After the initial waves, had lasted, though … I just gave up. I think we both did.
Sat and stared into the air, playing distractedly with Jay.… Read more
Today was a rotten day. I made the call to stay at home while Char (+Jay) went 2 hours in pouring rain with train and bus to her mother’s. Char had had a bad morning, too, thinking too much about the birth and the bad feelings from that experience.
But if I don’t get something done, a lot of next week is going to go without – getting something done.… Read more
This morning (Tuesday) I felt again like I would never really reach anyone with this blog, much less contribute something to their lives. So I had to do the math once again.
If I try to contribute something that really, really means something to other people’s blogs each day, then that would be about 14000 such contributions for as long as this project is planned to be in creation.… Read more
Today I got rather distracted from various work for clients, including some of the nicer ones, because I got a letter from Uganda.
It was just an email, one in a long series of ‘travel letters’ from an old friend – a de facto ex-friend, but we still have some contact.… Read more