“Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.”
I feel this is true of family, too – as family gets to know each other over the years, and come closer.… Read more
Home alone and time enough for work and to think about whether or not my relationship with Char is in some kind of crisis.
We increasingly get angry with each other, even over small things. We increasingly seem to automatically consider something the other said as an attack, or something done to take something away from us.… Read more
Worked much of the day on a project for a customer who had paid me in June, but who has been going bankrupt for so many months. I wondered why I still cared.
Sure, she had paid me and I owed her, but I have also done a lot of voluntary stuff on her webshop in 2016, so from some other perspective you could argue she still owed me, although that would probably be too cynical.… Read more
Everything just blew up this morning, our frustrations, my stress. So much for the podcast I actually managed to make yesterday for my product line about peace, joy etc.
After the initial waves, had lasted, though … I just gave up. I think we both did.
Sat and stared into the air, playing distractedly with Jay.… Read more
Today was a rotten day. I made the call to stay at home while Char (+Jay) went 2 hours in pouring rain with train and bus to her mother’s. Char had had a bad morning, too, thinking too much about the birth and the bad feelings from that experience.
But if I don’t get something done, a lot of next week is going to go without – getting something done.… Read more
This morning (Tuesday) I felt again like I would never really reach anyone with this blog, much less contribute something to their lives. So I had to do the math once again.
If I try to contribute something that really, really means something to other people’s blogs each day, then that would be about 14000 such contributions for as long as this project is planned to be in creation.… Read more
Nothing like working and waiting for the moment when you become a parent. All that and the whiffs of a midlife crisis.
Or at the very least considerations. About where I want to go from here. (And they are urgent enough to warrant writing about.)
I wrote earlier about my idea of a ‘kingdom of the soul’, or a ‘soul goal’.… Read more
Today I got rather distracted from various work for clients, including some of the nicer ones, because I got a letter from Uganda.
It was just an email, one in a long series of ‘travel letters’ from an old friend – a de facto ex-friend, but we still have some contact.… Read more
What would I like to get out of ‘middle-age’?
… supposing that it is even true that ME exists for me? (I could die tomorrow, you know.)
But what would I like to get out of it?
What would I like to be?
Until now, I have mostly thought of what I left behind for good.… Read more
Yes, we try to fix it all … with a little prescribed mindfulness or meditation, perhaps.
But usually we fall by the wayside …
We end up ‘fixing’ only our sense of being swept away by life’s storms, whirl winds – whatever they are.
But we are still swept away … every day …
So we continue to fix by continuing to escape:
Whatever feels like it is too strong for us to control and brings us out of balance all the time – screaming kids or a screaming boss.… Read more