Another consideration about this need to rebuild with Char is, of course, Jay.
I have been very angry with Char – and she with me. And we have slammed doors. During this period. But …
I don’t believe that deep down either of us really believed that this would be the end – not after 20 years and numerous hard times.… Read more
There’s a lot of ground to cover if I want to analyze in depth the dynamics of my rel with Char – both before and now. And during Jay’s first year.
I will probably get to that here – on The Blog. Or at least in private. With my new temp job, which is a kind of service guide duty at stations, there’ll be a lot of standing up and waiting for bewildered passengers.… Read more
Spent some days with some really hard and really unnecessary arguments with Char.
I realize now that since Jay came our relationship has been net drained, for all the wonders we have together with Jay and other things.
It is not in crisis as such, but it is skewed towards a crisis – so to speak.… Read more
Q: Why haven’t you at the age of 44 a steady job yet?
A: Why haven’t you at age 44 a steady relationship yet?… Read more
I just stayed home and helped take care of Jay and carry him around, since Char’s hand, unfortunately, has not gotten better overall since all of this started back in, I think, October or September.
She was seeing a specialty doctor the other day and got an injection with some hormone-or-other that would help reduce the inflammation.… Read more
Might as well get this written down before I forget it.
Mind you, it’s not like Char and I have a sex-life right now, which is as it should be, because her recovery from the birth is what takes time. And then there’s is Jay. And we have had our fun, and lots of it, in younger days.… Read more
I’m through summing up conclusions from last year’s reflections, but where next?
These day’s I’ve had a backlog of posts, not because the world went up in flames but just … because: Baby, work, family and all. And sometimes the need to forget my laser-focus and just zone out whenever I had an hour or two.… Read more
Last day at my parents’ and everything is sort of fine, except that I have a cold and I have been reminded again that all is not as dandy in my 20-year relationship with Char as I like to tell myself.
Nothing special has happened, just another of those episodes where I say something I think is innocent, often something I say to help and she takes it as some kind of criticism and gets irritated.… Read more
Laundry and other house-work and shifts on taking care of Jay, and it all made me think about whether or not a way to a ‘better life’ is together? I mean, with a business Char and I do together?
Yeah, yeah, our lives are relatively good, aren’t they? We’re not begging on the streets in Mogadishu.… Read more
Recently I’ve felt more and more often that I’m ‘losing myself’, and the worst part is that I cannot really feel what it is exactly I am losing. Because I don’t feel I have time to sit down and feel … that.
It should ring some alarm bells and it does.… Read more
Felt very clear today about at least some parts of the future. Especially that I have to see The Blog as my primary purposeful work – even if the rest is excruciatingly normal and forgettable and not making any difference.
Yes, I suppose some of that “rest” is forgettable if you see me as just a person who lives an ordinary life.… Read more
“Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.”
― John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
I feel this is true of family, too – as family gets to know each other over the years, and come closer.… Read more
Home alone and time enough for work and to think about whether or not my relationship with Char is in some kind of crisis.
We increasingly get angry with each other, even over small things. We increasingly seem to automatically consider something the other said as an attack, or something done to take something away from us.… Read more