One weed that has bothered me a long time is Donald J. Trump. Both before and since his election I’ve been spending, say, an hour at least per day following his merits, or lack thereof.
Hoping, I guess, he would somehow do something that was terrible enough to get booted out, first of the election then of the White House.
Well, he is doing lots of terrible things and saying even more terrible things.
And the truth is that he will still do that whether or not I junk-read news about him. So that stops right now.
I won’t spend a minute more of my life polluting my mind with focused reading about this man. Why should I?
I mean, if he blows up Latvia because their president didn’t retweet one of his bullshit boasts then I’ll be sure to find out soon enough.
But one thing can be measured, for what it is worth: The Blog itself. If it keeps growing year by year and keeps getting traffic and at one time the Putin bots that now are my only regular visitors will be replaced by engaged human beings … then that is a yardstick for impact.
However crude and imperfect.
And I believe it is a better impact – given my experience, talent and skill – then I can give in this life as a social worker or a worker in a social justice organisation, paid or voluntary.
I will not say no to such positions if opportunity arises and it feels right.
But right now the point is moot, because it doesn’t really look like I can qualify for any meaningful position within the humanitarian organisations anymore, and as regards work for individual persons, e.g. as a helper for the disabled, I just don’t have that much to give anymore. I am not getting younger and the job is hard. And it doesn’t scale at all – so: Extremely limited impact.
But even if I could get a job in, say, Action Aid International I would still feel that The Blog is, as far as I can see right now, the best thing I can give to the world.
And that means that my drawing is free from that demand.
And good riddance.
I don’t need to change the world via drawing, or storytelling.
I just need to draw.
I realize and remember that there is no alternative to hope.
Even if you have to wait to begin hoping for something better because your mind feels like ice.
What you can’t throw away is the awareness that there has to come a time again, when there will be a thaw. And then wait for that time.
The alternative is to wait for nothing, which is death, and that is not an alternative.
I think I want The Blog to be like a mountain range, as it grows older. A mountain range in cyberspace Not any particular mountain or landmark, but important nonetheless, for people who live there or close by.
Decided only to blog in the evenings after Jay has gone to bed – which is insane of course, if I ever want to get more blogging done in the short-term.
Or perhaps it is sanest of all.
I mean, that affirms that I even though I truly do want The Blog to be big, helpful and much read … my primary priority IS for blogging to give me energy. Not going to make the same mistake with blogging – again – which killed so many novels for me. That would be … well, you know what it would be.
So I expect the next many future entries to be much shorter, more concise and thematically all over the place.
I also expect a better blog because of just that.
I have said to hell with all the multitude of contradictions and dead ends that are in the previous 460 posts or so, or in many of them.
So what if there is that? What is really the damage?
Isn’t it a greater damage not to be able to let go and start over?
That’s what makes it feel fun to blog again!
Start by saying fuck you to those expectations of my own that don’t serve me.
The Blog (or the light house) is like life and the soul – it is also a mystery. It is chaotic. It contains dead ends and contradictions and multitudes of all of that and more. And whoever wants to read it has a responsibility him- or herself to navigate those labyrinths and find what is needed. But I can only promise that there will always be a glow, not perfect order or no dead ends. But a glow that leads on.
And that is … The Blog
My personal favorite (also when I review my older posts) is the Uplifting Reflections part of the menu.
So if you landed on this post more or less by accident, then maybe that is where you should go next?
Fitting that I should end this series with doubt about the whole purpose of The Blog – again. So that’s a problem, eh?
Which one of my recently reviewed reflections on Inner Power could help me get over it and get on with it, then?
How about: Don’t judge yourself. Or others.
“Trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.”
So where to go from here – with The Blog – with all this doubt for the nth time about whether it is Good Enough?
I guess there is only one way: On.
It doesn’t matter if I succeed at work, with my family or with art. There is always something to tell – to blog. If I have not said this before, I will gladly say it again, because it is worth remembering.
It is not just about saying things, it is about sharing them. And giving something to others thereby. Something we all strive for deep down, I believe.
It is a blessing that this is possible in the day of the Internet, even if you fuck up most other things in your life.
if there is one way to truly make a difference – over time – today it is on the Internet where 17 year old fashion bloggers attract 17 million followers easily. So you can get attention, you can share something widely, and – over time – you can make a difference in people’s lives. I may only be able to reach a few thousand people over the years, in a way that really matters, and many more in more superfluous ways, but I do believe this is the best way – to blog. And blog to share. Experiences.