14 years ago I did this and never finished, right before I ended up in hospital. It is part of a larger pic, obviously.
I tried to finish it tonight, and then failed immediately.
Then I did some photoshopping on it, hoping I could do some … avant-garde-ish collage-shit with mist and effects and make it look like that was my intention all along.… Read more
My parents popped by before Jay’s birthday and we talked about the year they took me to Italy, because my dad had found work there. It was May 1975 and I was one year old.
The month before Saigon fell.
There are a lot of odd events, big or small, from the 70s that I feel some kind of resonance with, even though I don’t remember them.… Read more
My parents came over and they seemed relatively okay, although my mother was not comfortable about her chemotherapy. And not just because chemo does not make one comfortable in general!
She said as much herself:
“I am so ugly.” With reference to her hair loss (replaced by a very fine and realistic wig, by the way).… Read more
I often find myself thinking that we are too old to have Jay and that maybe we won’t live to see him grow old, or older.
But I have to remind myself this is a feeling, not thinking. And it is a feeling partly dictated by some social expectations people aren’t keeping much anyway in this day and age.… Read more
Had a business-meeting with a 25-year old marketing manager from another company that wants her to do a new webshop for them, and I wonder when she will be better at this work than the guy who is supposed to teach her: Me.
For she seems so very smart, bright and quick in everything.… Read more
So it didn’t happen that we became a family this weekend, although we had made a number of guesses that we would. Guesses we almost believed in.
That’s fine. The term is May 6 and it will be May 13-14 at the latest, as the docs will start it up if nature doesn’t – due to Char’s age (41).… Read more
Went to the family, down south, with Char and her grandma. It was mum-in-law’s birthday and a good excuse to go, although the trip is long and I get to drive every time.
Thought about life and death, and clients, and dreams, and Jay, and whether or not life would bring Good – or more of it – in the unknown future.… Read more
Found this quote today, and I think it sums up pretty well how I feel about a great many things at this stage on The Journey:
As I go off into the big black abyss of my future, I have to admit that I am terrified and also a bit insecure in my decisions.
… Read more
So I’m trying to switch my daily rhythm and blog in the mornings – before work.
I still need a better place to draw, I feel, than my bed. So I am not doing that this morning.
I have to do more housecleaning before Jay comes, but at the end of the day I will have to find a cafe en route to the office on the day and do this.… Read more
Today my friend, JMO, is coming to help move the desk into the little room so the former living room/office can be fully baby-fied.
Right after work, right before flying off to Germany for a meeting early next morning.
We’ve known each other, on and off, since we were about 9 and 11 years old.… Read more
Today we started rearranging our smallish apartment for Jay’s coming. I felt a bit like we were too late, not just with that but with everything.
Jay should have been here 10 years ago.
Our steady jobs should’ve been here 10 years ago.
Some kind of house should be here for all of us to fit in.… Read more
I’ve been thinking about time. And how we think about time.
If I think that I have only ‘so many years left’ I am constantly preoccupied with what I have left – although I can never truly know. So … maybe I should not.
I mean, it may be a lot more than I think.… Read more
Another day with more meetings trying to demo WordPress to people, who might become customers. Another day with more thinking about how to make a two-room apartment baby-friendly.
But in the evening, there’s just … me. Yet.
Char’s reading a book and I’m watching Supergirl. But as usual, I’m the one to not stop thinking.… Read more
Spoke with my oldest friend, M, today on the phone. It was good, but as usual it was also bad.
His mother is very ill and has been for many years. He sounded exhausted.
Like this was, literally, a dead end.
I understand the feeling very well. Nothing to do but wait for the inevitable.… Read more