We went back to our old apartment today to clean up, after having had Jay checked one final time at the hospital for some muscle problems that made him kind of cramp too much to the right side; probably a result of his hard birth.
It was nice – that Jay is on the right track to functioning normally, with that.… Read more
We’re still in the other city, just taking walks, washing clothes, shopping and looking after Jay.
And thinking about when and how I can get back to earning money, what’s going to happen with my mother and family, and burning the batteries helping with Jay because Char’s hand is still bad.… Read more
Living in my friend’s house, while he and his family is in Paris, is a real help – even if my mum wasn’t ill.
It’s spacier, which is always nice when you have a baby, but above all it is calm and quiet. It’s just as much the neighborhood that helps.… Read more
It has dawned on me that even in a best-case scenario on Friday, nothing is really definitively ‘resolved’ as regards my mother’s new cancer.
Best case is that the tumor is local and that they can take it out of the breast without further ado, maybe by injecting chemo.
But what then?… Read more
After feeling emotionally in a hole these past days, there is a renewed sense of … some strength. I have had this feeling before that I should not take anything for granted about what is going to happen now.
Like I wrote:
Don’t take anything for granted.
Don’t take for granted that this is the time for my mother to die, and it’s going to be very sad and painful, and everything is going to fall apart.
… Read more
In a situation of waiting and uncertainty – to know if my mother has cancer again and how bad it is – I would love to have given some advice to myself, and then to others. The problems is, I’m not sure I’m ready to follow such advice yet.
I feel locked inside, stuck.… Read more
So we went back to the borrowed house in a nearby smaller city to get a little away from our cluttered (albeit better-looking-with-new-couch) apartment in the bigger city. Kind of like going on holiday, except that in my heart there never seems to be a holiday.
Since Char’s father died in 2015 there have been other deaths – my aunt, from a heart attack; Char’s grandmother after a long period of suffering from all kinds of things.… Read more
This morning I felt slightly mad – lashing out at everyone, specifically the only two persons nearby: Char and Jay.
The lashes were only verbal but stung, no less. And made the world worse. Not better, even though that is how it feels when it feels like you want to lash someone with words.… Read more
Called to check on my mother, and she sounded … happy.
Despite the new cancer-threat.
Or at least … in “good spirits”, as they say.
Not denying reality, but not sounding like it’s about to break either.
I believe that despite her frailty in some situations, my mother has gotten a lot stronger over the years.… Read more
Spent most of this date redesigning my company website to make it focus more on webshops, because that is what my customers – the ones I’ve had so far – want.
I write this one day after my mother called and said she had a tumor in her remaining breast. She had cancer once before, in 2003, and survived.… Read more