But if more "pride" really is what is missing (too) after a year with a baby and all sorts of other distractions, then right now the next thing I want to prioritize that can make me proud of myself - and her more proud of me - is just that boring old thing:
To go out there and earn money for the family.
And it is the right priority now.
Then there will be other times when the other priorities must be higher.
Went swimming today with Jay and it was exhausting but great. He really likes water, the little one - or so I fancy. Especially chasing after a ball in water as I hold him.
There, nothing earth-shattering new to report, but something important.
Another choice, then, as a parent . But we really have to consider ALL the factors.
And that includes all the other good factors that help Jay and which we will dismiss, if we believe that this sort of instrument will make the difference in our efforts to correct his head.
Such as being able to stroke and kiss his head, even if the effects are only psychological for us - and only a symbolic gesture of what we wish for him, for his body development.
But most importantly, of course, that science says it doesn't really help with a helmet. Whereas with craniosacral therapy we do feel it helps, and we have a series of photos that seem to show that it does.
That may not be particularly scientific - the last type of documentation - but it is very practical - very real - right here and now. And that is what we need. Practical and real results. Experienced results. Not some intervention with lots of ramifications and born out of fear.
So all in all it was as it should be on X-mas even, or as we wanted it to be despite various tests (baby fits, chemo therapy, tired from work).
But I think it always works out like that if you are minded for it. Not in a 'let's-push-this-through-despite-everything'-frame of mind. More like a 'let's-take-it-easy-and-wait-and-see-and-give-each-other-some-room'-mind.
That's good to remember, also on other evenings.
Char was away from Jay today for the longest time since his birth - 8 hours - and I had to look after him. And I was nervous about that, like any man.
But it went quite well. And I feel totally good about that. I know it sounds trite, but I do feel a bit more being a father because I was able to do this.
Now I know what all the buzz is about.
Many such decisions about what to prioritize - time or family or something else - are made from day to day, and have to be made from day to day. And this is such a day.
Just another day in the business of life.
There are some wise words, if I recall - about economic decisions: They should only be made rationally. With your head, not your heart.
That also goes for the decisions to prioritize other things, which cause you to forego earning money.
this date I will call to check on my mother, and she will sound ... happy.
Despite the new cancer-threat.
Or at least ... in "good spirits", as they say.
Not denying reality, but not sounding like it's about to break either.
I believe that despite her frailty in some situations, my mother has gotten a lot stronger over the years. Especially after surviving one bout of cancer in 2003 but also in general.
I don't know if this signifies anything, but on a day like that it will be enough for me.
“Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.”
― John O'Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
I feel this is true of family, too - as family gets to know each other over the years, and come closer. That is the ideal, anyway. But it exists. It does in my family. And we are blessed because of it.