Future goals are important, yes, but if you stress about them so much that they diminish your life quality in the present for months, perhaps years, then what are those goals worth?
You need new goals, or at the very least - new ways of achieving goals. So this is also a major factor in both inner peace, but also the whole schtick about achieving happiness by working on your experience of events first and second on changing those events, or accepting them - depending on the context.
If I can change my inner experience of any given event or situation, I have mastered it. And one experience that I really want as 'basis' is an experience of peace, so events that happen and affect me adversely (like getting fired) will not affect me as powerfully emotionally. That peace is both dependent on a peace that has been established before an adverse event happens, by building up a resilient worldview (if we can call it that). It is also a peace that comes from building up a habit of dealing with an adverse event in a positive way, mostly or wholly. Meaning: If I can learn to interpret an adverse event in different ways, I have effectively eliminated its adversity, partially or wholly.
"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger, something better, pushing right back."
– Albert Camus
Whenever for some reason I experience such ... mess in my head, my experience tells me that I should find an anchor-point. Something to focus on. Something that is positive, even if it doesn't feel like the answer to any of those problems, imagined or otherwise.
I think writing is a good start ...
Whatever choice my mother makes there will always be uncertainty for me, and probably for the rest of us as well. Chemo won't kill that. The chances of her surviving until 80 or 75 or 85 aren't really as important - really - as the quality of time that we spend together and the quality of time she makes for herself until she needs to leave this dimension ... It is a choice of how to live best that does not really require an answer to how long we will live or whether or not my mother decides to have chemo or not.
It is a choice about how to empower and uplift and improve relations. And that is always something that should be in focus, although sadly it rarely is until the demand is great.
But I feel empowered even so. I feel encouraged thinking about all the things I can do to share some beauty and joy and power, no matter what turn events take.
A very difficult and delicate balance, which I have often written about, and I will do so again. But it is important to keep in mind. Especially in situations such as this, where you are fearing for a loved one and pondering scenarios and outcomes and consequences whilst trying to live your daily:
Always try to keep a good balance between thinking and letting go and doing - something else. It is excruciatingly difficult but it is the only way - the only focus. Otherwise you tend to veer off towards extremes, like depression or suppression - which is kind of the same thing really.
So again I take a deep breath and go for balance.
Apparently, once you make the decision to have faith and to set a certain course, it doesn't feel all that difficult. It is the wavering that is difficult. The place where you are but you have not decided to stay. Or to go.