I can't change clothes. I can't get into shape. I can't just magically impose order on the thousand uncertainties in my life right now (again).
But I can sit down and think. Slowly. Precisely. With care. Much care.
And regain some sense of being 'up there'. I don't know how else to describe it.
So here it is then, the start:
A poem ...
So maybe this is odd, but I swear - it has made me feel more alive than what I have felt in a long time.
Just thinking, talking and acting slower - much slower - than I usually do. This is how to do it.
This is how to get that quality - that presence - that mindfulness - call it what you want.
This is to get what I longed for, but didn't know that I longed for until I felt really, really empty inside for months on end... And I have.
But it is over now. I will keep this way of being here in the world up this time. This time I will be here - with every part of my self.
These past days I've been feeling stressed - too stressed, thoughts racing, even my movements too rapid. Like a film set to go at 1.25 instead of 1.00 speed. And that is 0.25 points too much.
This Will Not Stand.
The quality of my life is measured by how I experience it and I have to chose to experience it differently now. Before it gets too late all over again.
A part of that decision is about saying no to certain experiences, out in the world. Another part is saying no to thoughts like racehorses in my inner world.
But above all I have to take it seriously and not just let myself be cascaded away by outer and inner events.
I have to stop. And start over.
For my life.
The most important thing is still that I felt calm - much more calm - throughout such a busy day, with so many uncertainties in view.
That must be because I detoxed. Cut off bad social media, bad news, bad noise.
From the Internet.
Only went with what was necessary
So ... can I keep this shift real this time? Or will I fall back into the 'need for noise?'
Is the inner silence and its inherent peace enough?
Today I am not in doubt.
I could try to say to myself every morning I get up:
"What shall I do on this day in my life-journey?" (Or just: "On this day of the journey?")
By doing so I train myself to see my life as a journey.
And for me a journey has always been something positive.
It has a goal. A meaning. Even if a lot of terrible stuff happens along the way and you get stuck for 3 days in an airport somewhere
What you could do when feeling overwhelmed is to re-tell this personal story as if it was ... a journey-story. It begins not with a first step, though - but with a map. Our hero(es) are set out to go - like the Fellowship of the Ring - into the big confusing world. They need a map and they need to take time to make that map. So do you. But they (you) also know that once they have a map - even if it's just a simple one - the journey has already become a bit easier.